Good Riddance!

A friend told me today that the new year "will be what you make it". I'm sure he's right, but that cynical, bitter, injured 97% of me wanted to prove the point that we can't always control what happens to us, and therefore sometimes have super crappy times. He replied with "It's true. The details we may not control, but the direction is up to us." Again, I know he's right, but I couldn't help wanting to wipe that permanent smile off his face and make him realize that sometimes things really are difficult.

Recently... well, over the past 7 months, I have been less than fun to be around. I have been moody, emotional, selfish, anxious, and depressed. Mix that with having enough money to only pay for gas or groceries, and you get an Erica who is no fun to be around. I don't even want to be around myself most of the time. As much as I would like to say "well, with the New Year, that is all going to change immediately!"... I'm not naive enough to think that it will be as easy as that. However, I do intend on taking steps to be a happier, better Me. I need to begin with some internal honesty - I need to remind myself why this past year was so hard, and actually think about it, instead of just avoiding the pain that comes from retrospection. It won't be easy, but I'm convinced that it will actually do me, and everyone around me, some good. I miss being Me. I miss being happy to the point that it is annoying to some people. I miss having a smile on my face without having to consciously force it there. Gosh, I've really become someone I don't like much at all. How did that happen.

So, 2012, I raise my glass to you and say, This year will be better. I'll promise to work hard to make this a good year but please, send some happy thoughts my way... I have a feeling I'll need all the help I can get!!!