What could have been

I was supposed to get married last week. But instead of a ring and a husband I received a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from Utah from my would-have-been in-laws with a very kind note that made me smile and cry at the same time. Sure, sometimes I wish that I had gotten married, and sometimes I look through my photos and unintentionally torture myself with how handsome he is and how happy we looked together, and how beautiful our babies would have been. When that happens, I can't help but wonder, "...what happened?" I know the answer, but I just can't stop asking it. I can't help but be angry about this cruel blow that I was dealt and how it has turned my whole life upside down in a matter of minutes. Some days I still have to remind myself to breathe, and give myself a lengthy pep talk before I can get out of bed, and most days I weary God with my incessant prayers for support and faith for a happy future.

Not gonna lie, it's rough. But thankfully I have these beauties to look at and feel a spark of hope. That yellow sure does make me happy.