A Text Message

I lay curled in my bed looking longingly at my phone praying for it to sing out the magical tune that I have a text message... and it doesn't. I look at the clock and realize I need to get up but can't make myself do it. Miss my first class because I am doing homework for my second. Finally get out of bed, put on a hat and get ready for class. I have a quiz this morning. Send a text message and check my phone almost every 15 minutes in vain for a reply. Only miss 2 on the quiz and miraculously stay awake for the lecture. Go to second class; I hate it. Fall asleep during the last 15 minutes. Dangit! I was doing so well with staying awake til now. Go to Japanese... not a huge fan of this class either. Just want to go home. Check my phone 3 times. Go to 4th class. Haven't done the reading but pull answers and comments out of the air that get me through. Got a text!.... but from someone else :( Meet with my professor about Grad school options, get confused and a little scared. Send a text message and almost cry while walking to the bus stop. Missed the bus and sit down to wait til the next one. Pull out some homework; that's a miracle. Get a text!... again from someone else. :( Talk with a resident on the bus ride home. Give myself a pep-talk as I walk to the apartment. "Now Erica, you know the couch will be empty when you get home. And it will be all night. You'll be ok." Believe myself until I walk in the door and see the empty couch. Nearly cry as I lock myself in my bedroom and curl up on my bed. Look at the clock. I have to work in 2 hours. Good, it'll keep me busy and not thinking. Pull out the computer. No messages. Check the phone. Nothing. Feel my heart pounding its non-rhythmic pattern and try not to cry. It's been 26 hours. Only 26 hours and I feel like I'm dying. How pathetic. Why does 'words of affirmation' have to be my love language!?!?!? Probably seem needy and annoying. Try not to think about what Rebecca said and let the negatives in. Can't help it. My heart hurts. Want to sleep but need to do homework. Why am I so tired? I just want a message. Set the alarm and cry myself to sleep... again. I'm not pathetic. I'm not!