Do you know what you are giving up Erica?

So, Tomas left a week and a day ago and we're still trying to figure out what is going to happen in the future. I feel like I'm in Limbo, and in anguish without him. Some people understand... some people don't. I'm set on what I want, but hearing other people's opinions and thoughts makes me think too.

I was talking to my Institute teacher yesterday and he asked if I am still dating "that non-member boy" and asked if I have thought about marrying him. I told him that we've only been dating for a few months and haven't thought that far ahead. Then he started talking about eternity. He asked if there is anyway I think Tomas will ever convert. Well, he has been asking lots of questions, and came to church... and asking more questions. But my instructor says only about 10% of married men end up converting. Then he talked about Eternity and not being to be able to be with future children. And then it got even worse. He said that men who are anti-marriage do not commit. Even if we are together for years and had children, he will feel no commitment because there would be no marriage commitment... and not blink twice about leaving. But really, considering today's divorce rates... what's the difference. Now, if you're thinking "That's not exactly..." I know. I realize it's different. I realize. Can I hope for the best? Yes. Do I realize things can go up or down? Yes. Am I confused and scared out of my wits? YES! But I hope for the best. My instructor talked about why I date boys that aren't LDS. My answer is that LDS boys I have dated, in most instances, have been jerks. Much more so than non-LDS boys. LDS boys seem to go for the whole package, and if you don't match the perfect trophy wife on the 1st date... well you're done for. A non LDS-boy however, seems to realize that perfection is not automatic. You take the imperfect, realizing it can Become perfect. Granted, some LDS boys realize this too, but not in my experience. Maybe that's why I date non-LDS boys. Because they look past my imperfection and see the good. Tomas is like that. He looks past my imperfections and sees the good, and I love him for it. I'm not thinking marriage at the moment, so don't worry. I'm not that fast. :) And I don't know what the future holds... but I hope for the best.