The Random Goodness

Weekending - Yes, it's a verb

2012-01-15T03:35:00.000-06:00

Guys! I am a horrible, horrible, horribly rude person. But in my defense, it was on accident. Mostly. There is this boy that I hang out with who is monotone, and while it does not drive me crazy all the time, it definitely drives me crazy some of the time. Well, last night a group of us were playing Phase 10 during the wee hours of the morning, and I looked across the deck of cards at my friend who was making some lengthy explanation of something I had no interest in, and said “Hey, is all your family monotone, or just you? I realize that although I know two of your sisters, I’ve never heard them speak, so I really have no idea. Is it genetic?” The room went silent and all my friends gawked at me as this fellow said “….I’m monotone?” I thought he was joking for a minute, but he wasn’t. In all his 29 years, no one ever mentioned that fact that his voice never changes. He got all reflective and said “Well, it WAS really hard to learn to change my voice when I learned to speak Chinese” (although, if we’re being honest, it’s only the volume that changes when he speaks, not the pitch) “and I’ve never been able to carry a tune… but still. I can’t believe you think I’m monotone! Monotone people are super annoying!!!” I looked at my cards and didn’t say anything for nearly 20 minutes, no kidding. I felt HORRIBLE!!!! And we haven't spoken in over 24 hours.

After 3.5 hours of sleep, I was up making pancakes for the breakfast I was throwing before we taught a recent convert to the church her post-baptism lessons. Once everyone arrived, I looked at my poor, bare table and realized we'd need something more than just pancakes, so you better believe I pulled out my fresh-cut pineapple and kiwis, and even my $1 a piece Oikos greek yogurts (what a hit, I tell you!!!! That John Stamos, he doesn't lie. Best in the world") We did breakfast, taught the lesson, did some paperwork for a meeting we have tomorrow, then just sat around and talked for a while. Then I went back to bed for a few hours of much-needed sleep, and accidentally dreamed about making out with my new Cheyenne friend. Good grief, he is good looking! And young too - only 21. Why am I attracted to younger men?

In the mix of all that somewhere, I also had an argument with my sister and chided myself later for not feeling selfish and guilty about the argument. I'll change my tune by tomorrow, I hope.

I finally struggled to tear myself out of my bed after a few more hours of sleep, and dragged myself to the fairgrounds in Oklahoma City for the International Finals Rodeo. We were seated way on the far end of the arena, behind the stocks. I thought it would be a horrible place to sit... until I realized that all the cowboys were facing away from us, which meant that my friend and I could ooh and aah and check out their backsides all night long without being complete creepers. I have to admit too, despite the smell of cigarette smoke and spittle from chewing tobacco that was reeking off the fellow sitting next to me, and his evident drunken behavior, I had a fantastic time! And for those of you thinking "Ewwww Erica, you checked out nutt-hugging wrangler butts!?" I'd just like to justify that most cowboys are wearing cinch jeans now instead of wranglers, so take that! Ha

Good Riddance!

2012-01-01T02:44:00.000-06:00

A friend told me today that the new year "will be what you make it". I'm sure he's right, but that cynical, bitter, injured 97% of me wanted to prove the point that we can't always control what happens to us, and therefore sometimes have super crappy times. He replied with "It's true. The details we may not control, but the direction is up to us." Again, I know he's right, but I couldn't help wanting to wipe that permanent smile off his face and make him realize that sometimes things really are difficult.

Recently... well, over the past 7 months, I have been less than fun to be around. I have been moody, emotional, selfish, anxious, and depressed. Mix that with having enough money to only pay for gas or groceries, and you get an Erica who is no fun to be around. I don't even want to be around myself most of the time. As much as I would like to say "well, with the New Year, that is all going to change immediately!"... I'm not naive enough to think that it will be as easy as that. However, I do intend on taking steps to be a happier, better Me. I need to begin with some internal honesty - I need to remind myself why this past year was so hard, and actually think about it, instead of just avoiding the pain that comes from retrospection. It won't be easy, but I'm convinced that it will actually do me, and everyone around me, some good. I miss being Me. I miss being happy to the point that it is annoying to some people. I miss having a smile on my face without having to consciously force it there. Gosh, I've really become someone I don't like much at all. How did that happen.

So, 2012, I raise my glass to you and say, This year will be better. I'll promise to work hard to make this a good year but please, send some happy thoughts my way... I have a feeling I'll need all the help I can get!!!

2011-12-21T05:31:00.000-06:00

Well, hello there. Did you think I fell off the face of the planet... drove into a ditch... died maybe? Yeah, I didn't think so. After such a long absence of 50 days, I should probably write about how only 2 days after writing about the noted pee incident at work, the good Lord called my little lady back up to Heaven to be with him. Or I could write about going home for "Christmas" with my family, or my brother-in-law being diagnosed with cancer , or my new job, or surviving while working 2 jobs which, by the way, is no easy feat, or Christmas preparations and buying a real live tree... but I am far too tired to really think or write anything of such importance and proportion at the moment. I will tell you though, that this silly cat at work keeps jumping up onto the TV stand to eat the houseplants. Silly thing.

The post in which I have many, many run-on sentences.

2011-11-02T04:04:00.000-05:00

So, I woke up this morning... actually that's a lie. I didn't wake up this morning because I never went to sleep last night. If you don't know by now, I work nights and I hate it. Sometimes. So anyway, I'm sitting at the kitchen table at work, waiting for one of my girls to get ready for her work (really, how does it take someone an hour and dang 45 minutes to get ready for work!!?!?!?!?! Especially when you don't have hair and don't wear make-up!?!??!!?) so I can drive her to the city and go home to bed. We left the house 15 minutes late, which means we got caught in traffic, which means I got irritable. Very irritable. I have road rage you see, and when I cannot pass the slow morons in front of me I get frustrated. Especially when the slow poke in front of me FINALLY merges to the right and I have a good 200 feet before the next car in front of me, and I feel a thundering in my chest and feel the pretend wind in my hair as my foot slams onto the gas and my little silver car shoots forward and zooms freely down the highway, until some jackass suddenly jerks from the right lane into my lane a mere 10 feet in front of me. Not only did the dude totally cut me off, but he didn't even do it with speed and agility! He pulled out and moved at the lighting speed of 4mph!!!!! I literally had to slam on the brakes and swerve a bit so I didn't hit his piece of hud old charcoal Honda. My heart stayed in my nose for the rest of the drive, and I got cut off twice more on the drive back home.

I was so agitated by the time I got home that I couldn't sleep, so I made some calls and got a phone interview changed from 2:30 to 12:00. In said interview, I learned that a project I thought would take 2 years might take upwards of 4 and I found myself in a depressed funk. Later, I headed to the church for a meting with my Bishop, which his secretary had forgotten to tell him about, so I waited for 45 minutes before he was finally available. I was distracted throughout the entire interview and got more and more agitated and didn't even really pay attention to what he was saying, poor man. I was finally able to sleep for a couple hours after the interview before I came back in to work.

Work. There's another good story for ya. I was putting one of my ladies to bed tonight and she was wheezing and coughing and gasping for breath something fierce. I asked if she was ok and between gasps she says "my chest hurts like someone is sitting on me". Oh great! She's having a heart attack! She assured me she was fine, took some deep breaths, and finally calmed down enough to get into bed. Once I had her in bed, I went to maneuver her wheelchair away from the bed so I could get it closer to the outlet so I could plug it in... when suddenly there was a pop and I got doused with liquid. It took me maybe 4 seconds to realize that it was her catheter. Yes reader, it was pee that sailed through the air and landed on my arms, neck, and hair. Do you know how hard it is to keep your composure in a situation like that? Very hard. Of all the days I decide to wear real clothes instead of sweats, it has to be today.

Surprisingly, I'm not that upset... the day was actually kind of entertaining. Except for the pee. The smell of pee is just not that enjoyable. At all.

And.... go

2011-10-27T03:26:00.000-05:00

Tonight I had pumpkin ice cream, smelled the cinnamon from the pine cones on my dining room table as pages from a book were turned, listened to the rain fall outside my window, and watched Hocus Pocus and The Family Stone. The Holiday Season can now officially begin!

Oh, and just because I love it SO much, here is a little quote for you:
‎--“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”-

Time for a sad movie? I think so.

2011-10-20T03:04:00.005-05:00

I'm ready to cry. Why? Maybe it's because I had to stifle my tears clear through Harry Potter 7.2 at the theater tonight because I did NOT want to be the only one in 5 people to tear up (Really though, who didn't cry when George died?... or was it Fred?), and maybe it's just because of that boy I told you about a few weeks ago. How long have we been "broken up" and already he has a girlfriend? And I'm not talking about his FB status going from "single" to "in a relationship" but I mean it going from "in a relationship" to changing his photo to a photo of them together and changing the status from "in a relationship" to "in a relationship with (insert hussy's name here)" Cause you know, people say "in a relationship" all the time to throw a creeper off, or let people know they are just generally not in a place to date at the current moment. And really, all we were was make-out buddies, but still, my dang emotions got in the way. I need to either learn to hold off on the physical aspect of a relationship (but really, who wants to do that when it is so yummy and satisfying?), or just train myself to disassociate the physical from the emotional (...who are we kidding? I'm a girl and most of our brains don't work that way). Or, I just need to hire someone to be my personal assistant and pre-weed out the not-so-good guys. Better yet, I'll let them volunteer. It'll be good for their resume. Any takers? You can start today.

The Point is... what was the point? Oh yes! One night when this fellow and I were talking, we were talking about the potential of us having a future together and he says he is just not ready for a relationship right now. Ha!!! Obviously not so. So, what I gain from this is that this fellow just was not ready for a relationship with me. And why, might I ask? Hmmmmm?

So, I'm ready to cry... or punch something... or go for a run. Ugh I look ugly when I cry, and I don't want to hurt anything by punching it (ok, ok, I don't want to hurt my own wimpy hand by punching something), and I am really far too lazy to go for a run. I know, I'll just watch the next episode of America's Next Top Model. Thank you, Tyra Banks, for creating a show that always raises my spirits!

Oh! And P.S., thank you FB for throwing that onto the very top of my page even though it was posted a dang 8 hours ago!!! Next time I want a kick in the face I'll come to you.

P.P.S, I really don't think his new girlfriend a hussy. I don't even know her. I'm sure she's a great person. Just throwing that out there so you know I'm not a bitter old shrew. At least not all the time.

P.P.P.S., there was another cockroack in my kitchen today hiding in the dishes cupboard. I may or may not have screamed like a girl and run away when it dashed toward me. It is now dead, thanks to my roommate.

Mini Letters

2011-10-17T01:58:00.003-05:00

Dear Cyri, thanks for writing little mini letters that I love so very much. You inspire me to show my gratitude for everything, and be happy every day, even if it's a crappy one.

Dear Natalie, Thanks for the phone call today; I have missed you!!! It was so fun to reminisce and catch up, even though it made me feel all natsukashii. I'm sorry I was such a brat in the MTC - I knew your heart was hurt, but I never realized just how badly. I should have taken my focus off myself and put it on you, like you did so many times for me when I struggled. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend... but I'm here for you now. Anytime!

Dear Ken, thanks for still calling me even though you are planning a wedding that takes place in only 12 days. Those few minutes a few times a week brighten my day SO much! I miss walking to each others' apartments at 3:00 in the morning and talking for hours about absolutely anything and everything. I miss having you around, and driving in your Durango jamming to your music. Also, I am SO glad nothing is awkward with you. You'll always be a good chunk of what I term "the perfect guy".

Papa Richard, I miss your hugs that fix everything. You are seriously the Best Boss Ever!!!!!!! I am so glad you and your little family came to dinner with us when I was in Utah. It's nice that we're all friends instead of just co-workers.

Dear Starr, thanks for your compliments and bubbling personality. I've seriously missed having you around... and no, not just for how fabulous you make me sound. You brighten every situation.

Dear Steve, thanks for the late-night talks. I feel so privileged that you trust me enough to completely bare your soul... and thanks for listening to me whine in return. I REALLY miss having you close by. I wish we'd had more time in Utah to actually talk... and go to Betos. I miss our Betos nights. I miss you.

Dear Alisha, I am SO glad you are my sister!!!! I don't know what I'd do if you didn't live "just down the street" and come on adventures with me. You keep me sane.

Dear Cal, thanks for how much you care. During my trip to Utah, only 5 days after I was scheduled to get married, you were the only one who asked me how I am holding up. I truly appreciate how unafraid, outgoing, and caring you are. I miss our Rockband/Sushi parties and just general hang out times. You opened my eyes to a whole new world that I sincerely appreciate and adore.

Dear Dr. Cooper-Rompato, thank you for inspiring me to further my education. Not only are you a genius, but you actually adore what you do, which made me love it even more. I thoroughly enjoyed all your classes, even Shakespeare, and appreciated the time you chatted with me about my future while you were having ice cream with your daughter at Aggie Ice Cream. Also, thanks for all your guidance about Grad School.... I'm following it slowly.

Dear Andrew, thanks for being my best friend!!!! I didn't expect us to become friends so quickly, or count on each other so deeply, and sometimes it sucks that I feel like I count on you and our friendship much more than you do, but still... it works. I'm so glad that things have never been awkward with us, and that you aren't judgmental. You'll always be the other half of the "perfect guy" equation. Also, I love your family. I hope our friendship keeps going from our current 3 years clear past 50... I count on you a lot, so thanks for always listening and taking care of me... I'm sure it's not easy. Keep up the good work.

Oh! and Dear Brittan, thanks for making me learn the hard way that I really don't want a guy who constantly chases after me. A couple calls a day is ok, but I get extremely turned off after the 5th call. I didn't know that before, so it's better that it came from you than a guy I'm actually interested in or I'm pretty sure that relationship would end in less than a week... it's a good thing we've already been friends for 7 years.

And finally, to my dear Family: thanks for being mine :) I love you all!!!!! And thanks for making beautiful babies for me to hold. Never ceases to make me happy!!!!!

What could have been

2011-10-12T02:56:00.002-05:00

I was supposed to get married last week. But instead of a ring and a husband I received a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from Utah from my would-have-been in-laws with a very kind note that made me smile and cry at the same time. Sure, sometimes I wish that I had gotten married, and sometimes I look through my photos and unintentionally torture myself with how handsome he is and how happy we looked together, and how beautiful our babies would have been. When that happens, I can't help but wonder, "...what happened?" I know the answer, but I just can't stop asking it. I can't help but be angry about this cruel blow that I was dealt and how it has turned my whole life upside down in a matter of minutes. Some days I still have to remind myself to breathe, and give myself a lengthy pep talk before I can get out of bed, and most days I weary God with my incessant prayers for support and faith for a happy future.

Not gonna lie, it's rough. But thankfully I have these beauties to look at and feel a spark of hope. That yellow sure does make me happy.

Happenings

2011-09-28T21:17:00.003-05:00

You know, you wouldn't think Oklahoma would be so exciting, but let me tell you - it is. You wanna know why it is so exciting? Because they have State Fairs (granted, there is a State Fair in every state, but I've just never been able to go before) where you see huge horses, tiny pigs, chickens hatching out of eggs, and life-cycles of butterflies! Ok, so maybe it's not that exciting, but guess what is? RIDING A CAMEL!!!! That's right, I paid $5 to ride a big, soft camel named Tantor around a ring 3 times, and it was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Never in my life did I think I would ever ride a camel... and now I have! In Oklahoma. Also, this guy captured my attention and heart as soon as I saw him. *sigh*

No, not the farmer you sickos, the pig!!! He sure did squeal like he thought the Grim Reaper was coming after him, but he finally settled down once he was with his mama and 16 brothers and sisters. That's right, that mama pig had 17 babies. Can you even imagine!?!?

Did I ever mention that I went fishing? Well I did, and this is us fishing.

And this is my new best friend out here, Megan. Seriously, you would be so lucky to meet her!

And this, this is the view of our little fishing hole. Gorgeous right!? I stood in that little patch of mud all night and caught 8 fish. That's right, 8. And they were accidental too. I didn't even want to catch anything. Still though, it was a super fun experience that I hope to repeat in the near future!

Also, remember me telling you about my new friend that I enjoy kissing? Well, that's pretty much over with. He's kind of a tool and I feel like I'm just an object to him, and I deserve better than that. I deserved to be chased, not the one doing the chasing all the time. Besides that, I don't think it's very cool to only get calls saying "hey, let's go do something" at 11:00 at night because he wants to make out. So there you have it, my heart is re-mending. Again. Why, oh why do I keep getting myself into these situations?

I just can't quit!!!

2011-09-15T09:50:00.006-05:00

Guys!!! I can't stop buying songs off itunes!!! I hear a song on a commercial (this one is my favorite recently), or the radio, or a show, and think "huh... I wonder if I can find that on itunes". I tell you what, my paycheck dwindles on nights like last night when I just keep pressing the "buy" button. I gotta stop!!! But... while I work on stopping this current obsession, at least I have something good to jam out to!

drama, drama, drama

2011-09-13T04:30:00.002-05:00

So uh... something happened this week that I am not all that sure what to think about. I let a boy kiss me. Then I let him kiss me again and again. It's completely non-commital, which I usually hate, but maybe it's good. Is it good? Or am I a complete slutt? Or am I just using him as a Rebound? And to top it all off, I feel like I'm cheating on Weston even though we broke our engagement 4 months ago. Gosh you wouldn't think kissing would be so dramatic.

...I think you forgot something.

2011-09-09T02:21:00.004-05:00

Today was a day I hope never, ever again in my life to re-live, and that I hope you never had the displeasure of experienceing either. What on Earth happened!?!?, you may be wondering? Well I will tell you. I discovered tonight that I spent over half the day without a bra, and I was so embarrassed! Here I was, sitting on my bed watching Netflix when I thought "huh, something feels... not quite right..." and then I realized what it was. Oh the horror. This is maybe the first time in my entire life that I am grateful for being.. shall we say, un-well endowed, because I do not think anyone noticed. And if they did, well I am very glad they did not tell me, because that would have been even more mortifying!!! Can you even imagine? "excuse me, miss? I uh.. think you uh... you see, uh..., I didn't mean to notice, but uh..." Yeah... that would be bad.

2011-09-06T22:19:00.002-05:00

Our neighbor smokes, and it must be like a freight train because our apartment reeks of tobacco! Every time we open one of our outside doors all we smell is smoke wafting up from her balcony, and surprisingly, my bathroom and bedroom closet also reek... I think her bedroom must be below mine. So today, I am grateful that I do not smoke.

2011-09-04T14:35:00.002-05:00

Because of my crazy work schedule I missed posting yesterday, so I'll do two today.

#1 I am grateful for Repentance, knowing that no matter what I do, there is always a way out. I am also grateful for my own self-discipline in not abusing the gift of repentance on a whim.

#2 I am grateful that I am able to laugh at myself when I realize I have been calling someone by the wrong name for weeks and they haven't corrected me. I just keep hoping that maybe they never noticed...

2011-09-02T21:16:00.002-05:00

To friends who never answer texts about what we are doing tonight, thanks for letting me take a much needed nap while waiting for your calls.

Praying for the Rain but hating the puddles

2011-09-02T01:29:00.004-05:00

Yes, before you even think it, I realize I already posted once today, but a lot has happened in the last hour and 27 minutes (ok, I made that up, I really have no idea how long it has been since my last post), and I want to reflect on something rather important: why bad things happen.

Many people wonder "why do bad things happen to good people?" but I wonder, why do bad things happen at all? I don't care if you're a good person or a bad person, bad days are just plain old bad days, and we all hate them.

Maybe it is true that "bad" things happen so that we can know the "good" in life. Any church-goer, or someone with a parent or grandparent who was a church-goer have heard the same thing before... but maybe there's something to it. In The Quest for Joy, Barbara Workman stated, " We may not feel deeply enough to know joy unless our hearts have been hollowed out by sorrow. A heart may not be big enough to know real joy until it has been stretched and pulled by trials and hard things." Maybe it is true. Maybe, just maybe, it really is true that without having your heart ripped out of your chest you won't realize just how much you can fit in that beautiful little muscle. Maybe being thrown down the metaphorical stairs of life, and getting kicked in the face by Mother Nature are ways for someone to be at the bottom of those stairs to pick you up and dust you off. Maybe someday there really will be that moment where you lay eyes on someone and think "oh, so here you are". For some of us, that may be a sweetheart, and for others it might be a child, and for others it might even be the perfect pet - I'm not judging. The point is, maybe it's true. Maybe the only way to get to Heaven is to pass through Hell. And maybe we don't get it right the first time, or we miss a detail, so we have to do it all over again.

Maybe bad things happen so that we can recognize the good. I definitely admit that I take good things for granted, a phone call with my mother, a text from a friend, or a lunch date with a loved one... but suddenly, when those things are whipped away, I realize how much I miss them, and I promise myself that I will never take them for granted once I get them back. But I, just like you, dear reader, am imperfect, and I often go back on my word. And when I go back on my word, the next thing i know I just expect those phone calls and texts and luncheons, without realizing just what a treat they are. So maybe, just maybe, bad things happen to remind me what is really important, and what not to take for granted. Maybe I no longer have someone's hand to hold so that I can remind myself that if he reaches for my hand in the grocery store, I'll hold it willingly, even if it makes carrying a basket full of green peppers and tomatoes (oh who am I kidding? A basket full of ice cream and hard shell chocolate syrup) uncomfortable to carry. Because I can tell you right now that I would much rather have the indentation of a shopping basket tattooed on my arm than no hand to hold.

Maybe some things happen as a punishment, maybe as a lesson to learn, and maybe because we've asked for them. I often wonder if when i pray for things, if I'm not taking into account everything that could come along with it. It's like praying for rain but then hating the mud puddles that come along with it.

Have you ever noticed that when people pray to God for something, and it does not turn out quite how they expected or wanted, they blame God? I am in no way excused from this. I've been known to yell at God quite profusely from time to time. But maybe if we realized that when we pray for something, it goes into God's hands, and God sure does see a lot further and a lot more clear than I can... and maybe he's just aching to scoop us up onto his lap and say "now you listen here,baby girl, I knoy you said you wanted X and Y... and you're right, they can make you happy, but not as happy as Z that I can see but you can't yet. I promise you that if you just hold on a little longer, and trust me on this one, that you will be so " much happier in the long run. Will you trust me on that?" Some people could look up into His kind eyes and be like, "sure, no problem.". But me? I'm ashamed to say that i've now realized that I am the kind of person who would look at Him and say "I can't see what you can see, but I can see this thing right here, and I know it will make me happy now, so let me just have that." And then, because God is so nice, he will give me that little piece of happiness that I could see, and then because I didn't see the bigger picture, and didn't trust that it was there, I am not ready for whatever it was that God saw when it comes, and it feels like my whole world has fallen apart. I need to constantly remind myself that I can't see the whole big picture.

So what do we learn from this? I'm not sure, but at O dark 30 in the morning I feel like it is something big. Something that I'll need to re-read in the morning, and maybe the morning after that too.

To the Condom Man

2011-09-02T00:06:00.002-05:00

Dear Fellow who left your used condom in my parking lot,
Thank you for using protection. I don't know if I could handle more than one of you running around, doing your business in the middle of the dang parking lot... Please come collect it now though, cause Lord knows I won't touch it to take it to the garbage.

Much thanks,
-Erica

2011-08-31T21:39:00.002-05:00

Thank you, Skype for making me feel like less of a creeper when I listen in to other people's conversations. Not only do I not have to invent half a conversation, but if someone is Skyping in the same room as me, in very loud tones, then they obviously do not mind that I can hear.

And they call it mellow yellow

2011-08-30T08:30:00.004-05:00

It seems as though everything I’ve read or heard about recently is everyone talking about “enjoying your time now” and “realizing the good stuff now” kind of thing, instead of looking at your life retrospectively and thinking “jeez, I sure was happy… wish I’d have realized it then”. I listened and read and thought to myself, “Erica, you need to be better about that. You may think your life sucks right now, but maybe that’s just because you’re not seeing it for what it is.” So, I am, right this minute, setting a goal that for every single day from now until the end of September I will contemplate and record one positive thing in my life each day. I will write down the things that make me happy, or things that I am grateful for, so that on days when things seem like they are falling apart, I can look back at the little things and remember “Oh… so life is good, I must remember that.”

So, #1... I am glad for Bleach. Now I know that whenever I step in pee at work, or it wanders its way down the sloping linoleum from under the wheelchair and surrounds my foot without my immediate notice, that I will be able to wear my shoe again without wanting to gag every time. So thank you, Swedich chemist Karl Wilheim Scheele, for your fabulous discovery in 1774!!! I will be forever grateful to you when my white shoe is surrounded by smelly yellow.

So there you have it, a "living the moment, slash gratitude" moment, AND a History lesson. Aren't you so lucky?

Recantations

2011-08-27T00:03:00.002-05:00

My apologies for whatever day it was that I posted last. I've since decided to recant everything... not because Mother Nature has lightened up on me, but because I am trying this new thing called an Attitude Adjustment . See, I don't mind people who are down, I actually rather enjoy hearing their stories in an oddly morbid sort of way, but good grief when it goes on and one and on and on you just want to smack them in the face and say "get a grip!!!" Well, this is me, telling myself to get a grip. I have no plan, just a fledgling hope that something will happen that brightens my spirits. Fingers crossed.

Sometimes, it's just nice to feel important

2011-08-25T17:37:00.003-05:00

I have contemplated recently the fact that the days and times in your life when you want things to go just "so and so" and be so perfect... are the days that usually blow up in your face and mother nature screams at you, "so, you want to tell me how to do my job again? Cause I got ALL DAY, sister!" And then she pushes you down a flight of stairs. And out a window. Ok, maybe that's a little over the top, but I am sure, positively sure that you know what I mean!

Now, we all know that my life has been a little, ehh... less than perfect recently, what with a fiance telling me he wasn't ready to get married and watching my life plans fall to bits and pieces, and then making the decision to move 1,000 miles away from anyone I know (besides my beautiful sister) and being horribly homesick, but I was hoping that on my birthday, my fabulous day of birth that is supposed to be rose petals and gum drops, would be filled with the few friends I have here in Oklahoma knocking at my door, standing in line to take me out. Well guess what happened!??! .......Everyone forgot. I called a few people and asked if they wanted to go to lunch but they were too busy (later, I might add, I got texts saying things like "Oh Erica!!! I forgot it was your birthday! I feel flattered that you wanted to spend it with me... I'll make it up to you, I promise!"). My wandering of the day took me downtown to get a pair of contacts that cost me a whopping $10, and auspiciously close to my sister's work office. Yeah, office. She's all growed up now and wears slacks and dress shoes to work. Anyway, so I called her up and said "hey, let's do lunch" and she said "ok", so we met at a nearby Olive Garden, I in my pajamas and she in her slacks and dress shoes, where slurped into my belly 3 bowls of soup, 4 breadsticks, and 2 plates of salad then waddled and rolled myself to the car.

I came home and wiled away 5 hours doing who knows what, until Institute, which was actually quite fabulous and where I was reminded that "ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6 from my favrite book, The Book of Mormon) and I thought to myself, "hmm, Erica, what on earth is it you are needing to learn? Cause it sure seems like you are getting your share of trials these days *shrinks shoulders and looks up with a "please don't try me anymore" look*", and then a spider crawled out of my scripture case. The boy next to me killed it with a Hymnal, and when I thanked him, thinking he was relatively attractive and tall enough to be glanced at a second time, he introduced himself... and his fiance.

The perk of the day was going to Orange Leaf, this fabulous little frozen yogurt place, for dessert. I paid for myself. I came home, made a few phone calls, and was accidentally in bed by 9:30. Geez, if this is what 27 was like, what will 28 bring?

I suppose I am just being selfish. I mean, I've recently tried to talk myself into the thought that birthdays aren't important, but dangit, they are!!! It's the one day of the year where you can feel special and selfish and actually expect to get things that you want, just for yourself. Sometimes it's just... just nice to feel important. I'm not used to being alone, and not having friends, and and not knowing the ins and outs of every social situation around me. And furthermore, I'm not used to not caring so much about... well just about everything.

I am, however, grateful for the phone calls, texts, and facebook messages!!! It's nice to know that there's love shooting to me from afar.

2011-08-11T00:25:00.005-05:00

I am officially unpacked and moved into my new apartment. Would you like a tour? Of course you would. These are a few snippets of my favorite things.

This is the kitchen table. This is where my roommate and I spend time chatting because, as you can see, this is where her PC is set up and where I can usually find her if she's not at work. This also happens to be the table where I was sitting when a cockroach decided it wanted to share my breakfast.

This is the raid I bought to kill that cockroach, and his aunt and his grandma and his little dog too.

This is our couch, circa 1962ish. Check that baby out! Isn’t it marvelous!? I tell you what though, it was a beast getting it in through the many doorways and entryways!!! And those foot stools! Boy oh boy, they may not be much to look at, but they sure add to the comfort level!

This is the TV that we watch when we sit on the 1962 couch. This baby weights a total of like 25,000 pounds and took 3 people to get it into the apartment.

This is the temperature guage. This is the first time in a week that it has dropped below 81 degrees. In fact, even though it is set at 73 it usually fluctuates between 81 and 85, which is very sad.

It’s a good thing we have these babies on our ceilings, or we might be numbers 12 and 13 to die because of the heat in this state so far this summer.

This is my bedroom, and I don't know what to do with all the space. I'm currently looking into getting a comfy chair or love seat or something to replace the fan.

And check out all my closet space!!! You could fit a twin-sized mattress in there!!! (If you ever come to visit, I guess you know where you're sleeping... I promise I'll keep the door open.)

And for the Pièce de résistance, check out this lamp!!!!! I bought it for a whopping $7 at a flea market in South OKC and think it just might be the best $7 I've ever spent! If they had a dress made like this lamp, I'd... well I'd wear it just for fun for a few minutes, but that's besides the point. Awesome lamp. Awesome!!!

I hope you enjoyed the tour, and I hope it prompted you to want to come visit! The door is always open (figuratively, not literally).

Goodbye my friend

2011-07-18T11:47:00.003-05:00

When I was in 3rd grade I got an adorable gray cat from my friend Rebecca's house, and named her Shannon. That cat, more often called "Miss Kitty" or "Pretty girl" than Shannon, kept me company when I was lonely, brought me brand new kittens to cuddle with when I slept on the trampoline, and showed her ultimate love to her Mama when she plopped a dead mouse onto my sleeping bag and looked at me proudly. She used to sneak her way into my sleeping bag or under the blankets in the middle of the night and I'd wake up with her snuggled against my belly. She didn't let many people love on her, but whenever I was home, she'd come up and love on me, without exception.

She was super protective of me too. There was once that I took a walk up the canyon and then up around the Rodeo arena, and she followed me the whole way. As she got older, my pretty girl got a bit grouchy and chased off little kittens that my Mom brought home as "replacements", cause she had absolutely no intention of being replaced. She started to have a struggle when she jumped up onto the railing of the porch to get her dinner, and spent more and more time curled up in the shed than begging for food on the porch. But she still loved on me anytime I came home.

I called mom yesterday and we talked about if it was time to take Shannon to the vet so he could put her to sleep, and she said she didn't think it was quite time yet. Well, my cat has always been a 1 upper and I guess that she decided she didn't want to go to the vet, she wanted to have her last few moments in the place that she loved most, and mom and dad found her this morning and Dad lovingly buried her out by our great old dog, Thor. I'm sure she'll be happy out there. Whenever I get home again, I'll bring some flowers and let my pretty cat know how sorry I am that I couldn't be there to love her as she passed on.

My cat's the big one. The little one was a "replacement", and the spitting image of Shannon when she was a baby.

You Pompous Ass!

2011-07-12T00:50:00.003-05:00

A friend asked me a question last night. He asked, “In your mind, does it feel like if someone didn’t live the law of chastity that you’re sharing that person with someone else?” I said that I believe the Atonement and Repentance is cleansing and that if God can forgive and forget then so can we. My friend seemed to disagree. I went to bed angry and hurt that people can actually be so pompous. This morning we started talking about it again because I told him his words hurt my feelings and he said “for me though, I can know like you said that they are pure and clean again but I have to be shown. I really worry about disease and not being the only love in their life. That act makes a bond between people and I don’t want to have to share the love of my life. But I can be shown that I am the only one.” As much as I tried to end the conversation or show how blatantly uncomfortable I was with his opinion, he just went on and on and on. He kept saying things about "the woman's flower" being gone and the fear of her comparing him about past partners and yada yada yada. So then I asked what he'll do someday if he finds out that the girl he's is dating is not a virgin. Will he leave her? Dump her? Call her a slut? What if she was raped? Or married and divorced? Know what his answer was? "I'll have to work through it first. Plus she'll have to show me that that isn't how she is. It really will be a lot of showing. I know it happens a lot in these sin filled days". Maybe I am just over-reacting... every time we talk... but good grief does he seem self-righteous in everything he says! At the end of our conversation (or as close to the end as I can get it) he says, "I'm sorry I make you think poorly about yourself. I never intended such a thing". I never said I felt poorly about myself. Ever.

So now I wonder... how many guys have the same opinion as my friend? How many cannot let a girl forget her past even though that is the only thing she really wants? I can just imagine him on his wedding night, grilling his wife about previous partners. Ugh, what a way to start a relationship.

Am I way off the mark here, or am I justified in my anger and disappointment to someone so seemingly pompous, pretentious?

I miss...

2011-07-09T21:25:00.010-05:00

this view that means I'm home

And the quiet and contentment of Home

And my Mom and Dad

And my big, loud, loving family!

And holding babies (and being this skinny(

And hugs from big brothers who somehow help all the hurt go away

And hanging out with my sisters

And my tiny, sweet fireball of a Grandma

And late night talks with these beauties

And throwing parties for my residents (even though I was sure I would never, ever miss that)

And Rockband nights at Cal's house

And sometimes, I even miss studying and writing papers

And, I miss this face (and the beard)

But, even though I miss all that, I'm glad I'm here.

Oh Elvis, how clever you were!

2011-07-07T02:16:00.000-05:00

Have you ever thought about love? Of course you have, because everyone has. You either think about how much you want to be loved, how much you love someone else, or how much love sucks. Most often it's the last of the 3 that we feel. I digress. Why is love so hard? Most of the time we find we love things that are not good for us, or that will ultimately lead to sadness. For example, chocolate, ice cream, pets, boys, best friends...

Stick with me here. Chocolate (for those of you who like it), is addictive, and I am pretty sure it is responsible for upper thigh cellulite dimples. Ice cream, well, I love it so much that there have been times where I buy ice cream instead of gas or groceries, which is not all that healthy. As for pets, the poor things always die, just when you finally decide that they are an indispensable part of your life once you finally get used to them leaving fur and little stinky surprises all over your house. And boys (or girls depending on how your boat floats), sometimes you just can't help falling in love, but then your heart and soul are ripped to shreds when any miniscule little thing happens, or they leave you. Surprisingly, it not only hurts when someone leaves you, but also when you leave them and know you have broken their heart. And best friends? Best friends can be a source of strength and support, but you run the risk of them moving, finding new friends, running out of things in common once you stop taking similar classes, or marriage comes to one member of the friendship and things must change.

But you know, Elvis may have been right when he sang ever so beautifully, "wise men say, only fools rush in, but I cant help falling in love with you". I sing that song at the top of my lungs when I'm in love and it's returned and, well, when it's not, I hold up my Haagen Dazs and spoon and think the words of the song quietly inside. And when people say "You know, you should really eat more greens", meaning spinach or cabbage or broccoli, I say "You're right. Please pass the mint chocolate chip and the scooper please". It's a never-ending-cycle. Fall for something, like chocolate, get disappointed when cellulite becomes more prevalent, so you immediately put away one love onto to fall into another, like finding a boy to make out with so you feel beautiful again, and then he breaks your heart and you rely on ice cream, and the whole cycle repeats over and over and over.

So for now, turn up Elvis and please pass the ice cream... the whole pint of Haagen Dazs if you please!!!

The list

2011-06-22T02:36:00.000-05:00

Have you ever looked at your life and thought "well gee, this isn't exactly where I saw myself 10 years ago...", or "holy crap, I'm X years old and this is what I have to show for it?!!?!?" If you haven't... I guarantee you that you will, at least once in your life. Maybe you'll be lucky and will have already accomplished more than you ever thought you would, but if you're like the rest of us, you'll be sad and a little disappointed. On these days, consider what you have accomplished. It's like The Beatles once sang, "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans".

One of these days I will make my list, but for now, I want you to think of yours. Feel free to share; it's nice to know we're not alone.

How Oklahoma, Illinois and Arkansas combine

2011-06-19T22:24:00.000-05:00

This weekend I was able to go to Tahlequah, OK, which is only 45 minutes from the Arkansas border. The trip was a stake-wide young single adult activity and I went without knowing anyone. Brave eh? I met Will, Nick and Michael in the car, and then made friends with Megan and Laura once I got there. We camped alongside the river and it was so freaking humid I thought I was going to die. I mean, who should ever need to sleep under a mosquito net in as little clothing as they can get away with, on top of all their sleeping bag, because it is so hot? I was up by 5:30 and was sweating by 6:30. Seriously, how ridiculous is that!?!? We had breakfast at 7 and boarded the buses at 9. We went to War Eagle landing, boarded the boats, and had a 4 hour trip down the Illinois River. The biggest rapid was... maybe 2 inches, so it wasn't exactly a Ride the River trip. We pretty much just floated along, pulling the boats onto sand bars and playing in the river, swinging off ropes and rocks and just played around. We also played Pirates, meaning that we jumped on each other's boats, stole oars, pulled and pushed each other in the water, and just had an all-around good time. When we got off the river we went to a little restaurant called Sam and Ella's, which everyone pronounces "salmonella"... I was a little freaked out to go until I saw the name written down and realized the restaurant wasn't a guaranteed place to get some nasty germs.

The sign that greeted us at our camp. I'll admit, we got some definite crap from a few other campers.

Our campground

The view I woke up to at 5:30am

Sunrise

Our rafts!!!

All in all, a fabulous trip.

Where the wind comes sweeping down the plains...

2011-06-15T10:17:00.001-05:00

I've been in Oklahoma for a week and a half now, and it's already been quite the experience. A 19 hour drive actually took us 27 hours because my poor car overheated. A nice police officer named Chris took me in his patrol car like 15 miles to the closest town, Buford, Wyoming, to buy antifreeze. I spent almost $70 on antifreeze and water... no wonder the owner of the gas station drives a sweet Jaguar.

We drove through Utah, Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas (which I don't really even remember because I was so dang tired by that point that everything just started to blur together), and ended here in Norman, Oklahoma. It's kinda sucky because the streets aren't really in a block system and they all have names instead of numbers, so it's harder to get around. There are some fabulous restaurants though, and we have a gym and pool just across the street that we frequent nearly every day, which is nice.

I don't have any photos, but last night was insane! A microburst tornado hit the north part of our city and there was also a severe lightning storm, which caused power outages, marble-sized hail, flooded streets, downed power lines that closed the freeway, and downed trees throughout the city. It was quite the adventure, but it made me really think about what will happen if there really is an emergency here. Like, what is the emergency radio station or broadcast network, and where are we supposed to go if/when the tornado warning sirens go off? Crazy eh.

Here's a few photos of some of the fun things on OU's campus, and the drive out here.

Now, I'm sure some of you are wondering how I'm doing about the broken engagement. I'm definitely doing better, but life is not a walk in the park yet. I haven't cried in probably a week, and I've forgotten how he smells, but I felt SO guilty when I checked out a bartender at a restaurant the other day. I'm still confused about what to do with my life and where to go and what to do and how long to stay and if I should go to Grad school and blah blah blah... but such is life. Well, such is my life. I just get a little bitter sometimes about why this is happening to me... like, it seems as if I've already had my share of crappy situations and broken heartedness and unhappiness and pain and hospital stays. I mean, it's nice when I can tell someone "no, really, I know exactly what you mean, and maybe blah blah blah can help". But at the same time I just notice that when things happen to me they get worse and worse, so I just hope that this isn't God preparing me for something like the death of a child or a future husband or something, ya know? Ugh that sounds horrid, I know, but it's true.

I still don't have a job, so if you or anyone you know knows anything about anything in the Oklahoma City area... let me know :)

Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains...

2011-06-02T02:05:00.001-05:00

I'm moving to Oklahoma tomorrow. I'm hoping... ok I don't know what I'm hoping. I guess I hope the change of scene will help me clear my head, and boy oh boy will the scenery be different! No beautiful snow capped mountains, no gorgeous Bear Lake... only dirty reservoirs and tornados. But I'm grateful for the chance to go. Send lots of prayers that my car will make it there and back (whenever I decide to come back) and let me know if there's something in Utah fabulous enough (other than my family and friends) to come back for. Until then... well I'll just wander. I'm not so good at wandering, but I'm real good at running away, so we'll see how this goes.

1 week

2011-05-27T13:05:00.000-05:00

Well my friends, it has been 1 week since the break up. I watched the clock and ran through everything that had happened 1 week prior. I cried harder than I did when everything actually took place. And when I say I cried hard I don't mean those silent tears that roll down your cheeks with a sniffle once in a while. I mean I sobbed heart-wrenching sobs that you could probably hear through the house. Alisha came and found me and listened to all my woes and tried to talk some sense into me. Kudos to hear for approaching the Bear.

I just can't believe it's been a week... it feels like months.

2011-05-23T20:40:00.000-05:00

Wow, this is a lot harder than I expected it to be. I was trying to force myself out of bed this morning, telling myself that it's been long enough; I should be wearing mascara and jeans again... and then I realized that it has been only 4 days. Only 4 days.. But I'll tell you, these last 4 days have felt like years. I feel so tired and exhausted and spent and just... done. I don't want to feel like this anymore; like my heart has been ripped out and this gaping hole is left in my chest that hurts with every smile I see or ever kiss someone else shares. I don't even want to eat ice cream for crying out loud! That's how hurt I feel. Even worse, I've had to start explaining my situation in person instead of over the phone or text or facebook, because some unknowing person just sees me and says "Oh hey, how are wedding plans going?" and with my reply of "They're not" that poor unsuspecting person flashes a glance to my naked finger and flicks a face of horror, embarrassment, pain and discomfort. It would be rather funny actually, if I could see the look clearly, but all I see is a blur through the tears that cloud my vision.

If 4 days have been this hard, and so full of ups and downs... what will the next year bring? I just want to close my eyes tight tight and wake up and find that this has all been a nightmare and that Weston is sitting in front of me with his handsome smile and a willing hug... Someone just fix it. Please fix it.....

Thank you for the memories...

2011-05-20T23:41:00.000-05:00

Well... thanks for sending good juju my way like I asked last week, but it just wasn't enough. Or maybe it was just right to get me through last night, and with only crying 6 times so far today. You see, Weston and I broke up last night. It wasn't mutual, but I understand why it needed to happen. I'm not bitter, I'm just hurt and really, really sad. I will always love Weston and hope we can get back together, but don't worry... I'm not waiting.

Blah

2011-05-16T20:27:00.000-05:00

This past week has been horrible. HORRIBLE I tell you!!!! My heart was broken and I cried so much I gave myself a sinus infection, which has now turned me into a frog!!! Ok... not really. But I do sound like a frog. I have some medicine for it, but like the idiot I am sometimes I left it here in the car. Oh how I can't wait to get in that car and find my medicine, drop a tax return (which, by the way, took almost 3 months to get here) off at the bank, and go to Costa Vida for dinner. Ok, that probably won't happen, but I'm hoping it will. I'm hungry.
So yes, horrible days behind... hopefully better days ahead. Hope for me, or do anything else you can to send good juju my way.

When I woke...

2011-05-11T12:15:00.000-05:00

There is a fellow outside my window mowing the grass right now. For some reason it just doesn't feel like summer until you wake up to the sound of a lawnmower and smell the freshly cut grass... that reminds me, I should probably close my window.

Thank you, Maintenance guy, for snatching a day away from the rain and finally making it feel like summer.

Adventure's Limbo

2011-05-06T18:38:00.000-05:00

I graduated on Saturday. I didn't really tell anybody... so it's ok if you didn't know about it. I just didn't think it was such a big deal that people should get work off and come sit through speech after speech just to see me walk across the stage, ya know? But I thought of you all as I walked and how much you have supported me. :) I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in both English Literary Studies and Liberal Arts with a minor in Speech Organization. I also graduated Cum Laude, which was a bit surprising.

I felt super loved as I had breakfast with some of my family and Weston's, when multiple people called my name as I walked to the stage, cheered raucously as my name was read, and snapped photographs. I was able to see friends that I haven't seen in ages, and say goodbye to some that I won't see for a long time to come.

A friend and I were talking in the office last night about how we won't remember what we learned in our classes, or who the professors were or what grades we got, but that we'd remember the people we met and friendships we made. I may have never made comments in class, but I was the one in the corner of the room that joked with friends through class and had professors rolling their eyes at some of the things we would do, or laughing at our antics. My professors recognized me and gave me hugs, encouraging words, and high 5's as I walked amidst them down the tunnel toward the commencement ceremonies. I guess I always thought I was invisible... but learned that being quiet, and trying to stay out of the limelight has its own power. It's true that someone is always watching what you do, even when you don't know it.

Thank you, USU and all the friends I have met here, I will never forget you or the good times we had together.

The worst Holidays Ever

2011-04-29T16:09:00.000-05:00

Disregarding religious, political, and historical importance, I have complied a list of some of the worst holidays in this country… or the world maybe. At least my Erica World.

I’ll start with the worst holiday ever…. Easter. While Easter is full of cute little kids wearing pastels and running around like crazy searching for eggs and baskets full of candy, which is super cute, there is one major thing that makes Easter the worst holiday ever… Chocolate. Chocolate is ok if it’s covered in mint, or hidden by nuts, but generally… it’s just nasty. My Easter basket was teensy tinsy this year, and you wanna know why? No, not because I’m 26 and too old to get an Easter Basket anymore, but because the only thing that was in it that I would eat was Skittles, Peanut M&M’s (I can handle this chocolate because it is covered in nuts remember?), and Sweedish Fish.

The Second worst holiday is Valentine’s Day. Not only do I fully believe that Valentine’s Day is a holiday created by the greeting card and candy companies, but I also think it is ridiculous that people need to set one day out of the year to celebrate their love for someone. The only good thing about the holiday is all the pretty flowers… except for the fact that they cost everything in your wallet, your left leg, and your grandfather’s watch.

New Years is 3^rd on my list because it always makes me feel bad about myself. New Year’s resolutions are just ways for gyms to get people to buy memberships, knowing full well that 89% of people will stop going to the gym after 2 months but continue paying their memberships bill. I have never met anyone who actually achieved a New Year’s Resolution.

Halloween is cool cause there’s always candy that I can take from my nieces and nephew’s stash, but there’s always only ever creepy movies on TV. And also, there’s always such shenanigans as pumpkin smashing and egging of houses that happen.

St. Pattrick’s Day is kinda sucky cause I always have to buy something green, and I don’t drink. Also, it’s really sad wathing little kids cry when they get pinched because they keep getting pinched.

The 4^th of July is just sad because it seems everyone has forgotten the importance of it and jst focuses on Fireworks. There’s not even any more apple pie and ice cream.

Christmas is almost a fabulous holiday, but it seems to be always full of drama.

Thanksgiving is the one holiday that I love without exception. It’s full of food, family, and hikes up the mountains. Seriously, the best holiday ever.

A house, a house, we found a house!

2011-04-25T13:50:00.000-05:00

We found a place to live!!! It's a basement apartment in Sugarhouse for only $450 a month. All we have to pay is electricity. Pretty sweet huh!?!?!? The house is partially furnished - it comes with a fridge, stove, washer and dryer. We have our own private entrance, and with the sloping of the hill that leads to our door it's not underground at all so we get plenty of sunlight shining through the windows. And, the kitchen and bathroom have recently been re-done.

The down sides are that I'm pretty sure that the house isn't as big as I'm imagining it is... see, i haven't actually seen it. Weston's mom is the one who found the house so she called and walked me through it and sent photos. Also, I know that the closet in the bedroom is tiny. :(

On another upside, we have a bed and 2 couches for sure, and possibly a kitchen table. This whole getting a house thing is pretty fun :)

"Now He Belongs To The Ages"

2011-04-15T03:23:00.000-05:00

146 years ago today, April 15, 1863, at 7:22am, Edwin Stanton said of Abraham Lincoln "Now he belongs to the ages" when Lincoln was pronounced dead.

For my Leadership class we were required to read this book:

I learned quite a few tidbits from this book, like how Salmon Chase was the lawer that became the base for Uncle Tom's Cabin, and how Thanksgiving became a National Holiday during Lincoln's tenure, and how the first ever military draft caused a riot in New York that resulted in over 100 deaths of innocent black citizens. Seriously, I recommend this book. The lady at the bookshop we bought it at said many people read this book as light bedtime reading. Originally I didn't believe her, but now I can completely understand. I can honestly say that I loved all 754 pages that it took me 3 months to read.

Around midnight tonight I started chapter 26 "The Final Weeks" and read of Seward and Lincoln's assassinations. Tears streamed down my cheeks for 18 pages as tragedy upon tragedy unfolded before me and I realized I was reading of the events on the same day and same time that they happened 146 years ago. We live in a cruel world... but how much better is it because of Abraham Lincoln and good, kind, humble, authentic and honest men like him?

I highly recommend reading this book. I'll even lend you my copy (don't mind the notes in the margins and prevalent underlining) after Mom finishes it.

Monday, Monday, go away...

2011-04-12T01:22:00.000-05:00

The Mamas and the Papas once sang a song in 1966 that says "Monday, Monday, so good to me... it was all I hoped it would be". I had hoped good things for my Monday, but this Erica was not as lucky as those Mamas and Papas. As a Resident Assistant (RA) I have to put on a certain number of programs for my residents each semester and today was the day I chose about a month ago to put on my Personal Growth program by taking my residents to the Cache Valley Unitarian church for a meditation session. My flyers told everyone to meet at my apartment at 6:45 but... by 7:02 I was the only one sitting in my apartment living room with the Housing van keys in my hands. I could hear people walking around upstairs and playing pool in the lounge, and worst of all, my roommates watching TV in their respective bedrooms. I understand my residents being busy or not wanting to go, but my roommates? You'd think that they'd be the ones to support me since they know how much effort I put into stuff. Granted, part of the no-shows was my fault. I was late in putting advertisements up, I chose something new for them to try which might go against individual religious beliefs, and it landed on a Monday at the same time as Family Home Evening for the wards around here. My bad.

Originally when I asked if they were coming to meditation, one roommate told me she had to study and the other said she was going to FHE, but at 7:02 when I found myself all alone in the living room and I heard their TV's, I knocked on their doors and told them they had to come with me. Both gave shrewd looks and prepared for excuses. I couldn't handle being rejected again so I told them to come to dinner with me - we'd talk about meditation at dinner, and that I'd pay. Guess what happened? Both immediately put their shoes on. Amazing what an offer of free food can accomplish. We were at dinner just as long as it would have taken to go to meditation.

I'm compiling a list of things for Lisa, my June replacement, to know. #16 on the list reads "My residents seldom go anywhere if food is not also present" #17 reads "my residents will not leave the building unless there is a fire alarm, so if you choose to do something off campus, make sure it is freaking awesome... and includes free food" and #18 reads "my residents can eat a ton, so prepare well. Get double what you think you'll use." I usually love my residents and my job but today... today I am just disappointed with them. I wish they knew how difficult being an RA is and what we give up for them (dates, dinner, time to do homework, sleep...). But even if they did know... I'm not so sure their actions would change*.

Disclaimer: I am speaking generally of my residents. Some would... well they wouldn't bend over backwards, but they'd help me in any way they possible could. For them I am grateful.

clean cup, clean cup, move down...

2011-04-05T20:13:00.001-05:00

Ok, changes. Changes are good. Changes are necessary. Changes freak me out. My life will soon be full of changes *winces* I'm looking forward to the changes, but just the long wait for those changes, or the preparation those changes will require. I keep trying to convince Weston to take me to Vegas tomorrow, but he always says no. Bah humbug.

I officially told my summer employer that I will not be returning to work with them and do you know what they said? That they'll move on to the next name on the list. After 3 years that's what I get? At least they said they'd miss me. So now I really do have to find a job in SLC ASAP and I am starting to think about panicking. Ok, I really have passed the point of panic.

Because I am moving to Salt Lake, we have to figure out housing options. We decided to stick with our September 30th date and therefore have to figure out if I should get an apartment, or live with Weston's family... or what. Blah blah blabady blah.

To at least kind of see what's available, we've been apartment searching online... but do you know how hard it is to just look at a floor plan without actually being able to see the actual size and layout of the apartment? And whoever, in their right mind, decided that 514' is ok for a 1 bedroom apartment!?!? Definitely not me! Know what the worst... or one of the worst parts is? The kitchens in all the apartments I've seen so far are all like a narrow hallway. I'm spoiled at my current apartment with a big kitchen that connects to the living room with a bar, which I LOVE... but I don't know if that's really something I'm going to be able to find in Salt Lake. I'm doomed to a hallway with a stove on one side, a counter on the other, and a sink at the end.

More changes are coming soon I'm sure...

Times... they're a- changin

2011-04-05T05:32:00.000-05:00

So much has happened the last few days. Much that will heretoforafter (I'm pretty sure that's not a word, but it sounds dang good at 4:30 in the a.m. so let's go with it) change the line of my existence forever. I hope. However... you'll have to wait til later to read it because it's, as I said, 4:30 in the a.m. and I had better get some sleep so I can get up for class in the morning. Crap, I need to shave my legs in the morning. Too much information? Gomen ne.

To move... or not to move?

2011-03-28T23:02:00.000-05:00

I need help deciding what to do for the summer. Weston and I am getting married September 30th which leaves me almost 4 months of summer work availability. I've been offered a position at Bear Lake State Park again for this summer (making it my 4th), but there are definitely some pros and cons. Let's make a list.

Staying in Bear Lake

Pros

It's a for sure job

Free rent

4 more months with my parents

Close to family

Cons

I'm making less now than I did when I started 4 years ago because of budget cuts

It's far from Weston

I'd be planning a wedding away from stores, venues and my fiance

Gas money for visiting Weston in SLC

The job has nothing to do with my career

I need to find a 2nd job

Moving to SLC

Pros

Close to Weston

Get a job that I can keep year-round (hopefully)

I get to know the city quicker

I beat college kids to jobs

Find an apartment quicker

Easier and more convenient to plan the wedding

Close to family

Cons

Job searching sucks

Drive in city (directioanlly challenged)

Find an apartment

Far from home

...ok I know it looks like moving has the most pros but.... but... I'm scared :( I hate job searching!!!!

A little star

2011-03-21T23:17:00.000-05:00

So this is it. I think it's cute.

Shriveled and Bitter

2011-03-16T11:36:00.001-05:00

Recently I've been in a horrible mood. Horrible, I tell you. All bitter and shriveled like fingers that have been in dishwater for too long, or an apple that you found in your backpack from 3 months ago, or a raisin that begs to be eaten instead of picked out of your breakfast cereal. I would comment about being shriveled and bitter like a grandma... but all the grandmas I know are sweet and plump like sugar cookies, so I refuse to use that one.

Want to know what has made me so bitter? I'll tell you:

Lack of sleep
Homework
Wedding venues gone awry
Reading over 100 pages of homework
Not finishing homework
Not finding motivation to finish homework
Not finding motivation to start homework
Roommates who eat a whole box of my cookies when I share
Wedding dresses that don't fit when they did a week ago
People's incompetence
Rounds
Asinine Assumptions that only end in someone getting hurt

I think the homework thing can explain itself... most of you know EXACTLY where I'm coming from on that one, unless you're one of those weirdos who actually enjoyed all the punishment that is homework.

As for the wedding dress and venues, we live 3 blocks out of the required area to get the venue we want (but don't worry, we're not letting that one go just yet). About the dress, I went to have my dress altered yesterday and found out that the saleslady gave us erroneous information when I bought it a week ago, that very nearly caused me to cry an unhappy fit of tears. Then, they couldn't get the dress to zip. Not only did I feel like a cow, but we were informed that the dress doesn't come in a larger size. 20 minutes and 3 people later they realized that it wasn't me, it was the slip they were using, so off went the slip and up went the zipper... but not up did my spirits rise. Although the saleswoman told us we could have our choice of bolts and bolts of lace to put on the bottom of my dress to make it long enough for only $150, we arrived to find no such lace. They had 1 ugly, grandma's kitchen curtains kind of flimsy lace that took away from the attractiveness of the dress rather than adding to it. The seamstresses said they recommend I get 4 inches of satin added to the bottom of my dress - they'd make it look like it was supposed to be there. The price of this added satin? $150. The price of ordering a dress 4 inches longer? $50. The downside was that no refunds or returns were allowed. We talked with a manager and explained our situation and she allowed an override for our special situation. My longer dress should arrive the beginning of July. July. It's a good thing I insisted on going in this weekend rather than the end of June when they suggested.

And lastly, let me explain the assumptions. I got a tattoo not too long ago and everyone has asked flat out, or more round-aboutly if I was "under the influence of drugs or alcohol" I wanted to say "Really? Me? You think I would do that?!?!!!?!?" But then I realize they never thought I was the kind of person to get a tattoo either. So yes, go ahead and assume; throw that proverbial stone. And before you even think it, Weston had nothing to do with it and didn't even know I was thinking about it.

As for now... I'm trying to curb the bitterness. I need a dang cookie.

Cultured? Maybe...

2011-02-28T04:06:00.000-06:00

This is a ranked list of "the world's" favorite books, in order of popularity. How many have you read? I have read the bolded books in their entirety, and italicized the ones I started but didn't finish, or just read an excerpt or two from.

Via Robin

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 The Divine Comedy - Dante Alighieri
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34 Emma – Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Berniere
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses – James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession -- AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

I have read 19

and started 5

Sheesh... not feeling so cultured.

Planning a wedding sucks

2011-02-23T14:20:00.001-06:00

Weston and I toyed with the idea of eloping but brushed it off. Then I tried imagining a wedding and a reception and it just didn't go so well, so now we're back to eloping. I have 4 major reasons why I want to elope: 1) planning is too hard, 2) I've always imagined a Temple wedding, and now that I won't have that I want to emotionally separate as much as I can. Vegas will be a perfect separation. 3) Trying to figure out the timing is ridiculous. I definitely do not want a wedding followed immediately by a reception because it seems redundant, I don't want a wedding/reception together where someone can sip their punch and watch my vows at the same time; that's just tacky, and I don't want to make people wait and entertain themselves for 5 hours between a wedding and reception. and lastly, 4) I know that in their love and care for me, many people would be coming up saying "It was a beautiful wedding Erica but... are you sure you're ok with it not being in the temple?" It sounds horrible, but I KNOW it will happen. I'll hear it from friends and family both and, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this supposed to be the happiest day of my life? Well hearing that will probably make it one of the most depressing and questioning days of my life. However, the more I've talked with people about it the more they've assured and guaranteed me that such depressing talk won't happen. I was starting to believe that until today... when I got a text from a really good friend who sounded shocked and awed and like she fell off the bed in sorrow and disgust over my marriage outside the temple. Did I reply to the text? No I did not. Will I? Nope. As much as I hated it when I was a kid, I really understand why adults punish a whole group because of the actions of 1. This sucks.

5 days

2011-02-15T01:48:00.000-06:00

I have been an engaged woman for 5 days. 5 whole days!!!! You know what that means? It's only 222 more days until my wedding!!!!! I also figured out that there's only 80 more days until graduation, and only 47 days of class left, with 5 days of finals tacked onto that. I sit here and think "it doesn't seem like that long... but it's a friggin eternity!!!" I know someday I'll regret that. But for now all I think is that it will be nice to come home from work and know I'll actually get to see Weston and go out on a date with him, or watch a movie with him because he won't have to run home right after dinner to write a dang paper. or I sit here and imagine what our house will be like, or what it will be like to wake up next to him... weird.

Really though, I like this imagining stuff :) I'm excited to pick out our furniture and appliances and bedding and towels and all that day to day stuff that I love picking out so much. I am SO excited for the next step in my life and am SO excited for day 223 :D

P.S. Happy Valentine's Day :) We went to The Vagina Monologues to Celebrate

After 26 years of waiting...

2011-02-09T23:09:00.000-06:00

I'm engaged!!!! After probably the worst day of the last 2 years, Weston got down on one knee and asked me to marry him *happy sigh* Oh. What's that? You want to know the details? Ok I'll tell you!!!

Like I said, it was a horrible day, what with the car breaking down and being late to meetings and only getting a 90% on an exam, emotional breakdown, venting session to my boss... yeah. Bad. It was Rebecca's 10th birthday and everyone was getting together for ice cream and cake at Twila's at 6:30 and I, being in a horrible mod, decided I didn't want to go. Weston, however, found out about the party from Alisha while we were out at lunch, and said we were going.

I put myself in a good mood (you know, what they say about fake smiling really putting you in a good mood is for reals), and we went to the party. I chatted with my sisters and loved on my cute nieces and nephews while Weston ate cake and ice cream, then I decided it was time to go. I scooted my way through the throngs of people and edged to the door when Weston called me back in. I just hollered back "let's go" and he said "come in here". "I'm already at this door!" I say to which he replies "Come in here". Fine. I scoot back through people to him and as I reach him he raises his voice and announces "Everyone" *my heart starts to pound and I think.... well nothing... because my brain is going SO fast* "Everyone, I talked to Rebecca earlier and she said we could share her special day" (remember we were there celebrating her 10th birthday). Then Weston pulled a little brown box out of his pocket, got down on one knee, and asked "Erica, will you marry me?" I, with hands over my mouth and a look of shock and confused joy on my face whispered "are you for real?" He rolled his eyes and closed the block then opened it again and just looked up at me. Again I repeated "Are you for real!?....yeah" and then the ring slid onto my finger and there was kissing and hugging and I'm not really sure what all else... but I'm happy. And it's beautiful!!!!!!!

Man, it's hard to dip someone!!!! How do boys do it!?

Warning: this post makes me sound like a jerk. I'm not.

2011-02-07T00:00:00.000-06:00

Do you know what I really have a love/hate relationship with? Facebook and blog stalking. I seldom do it with people I currently know and associate with, choosing rather to read about people I used to associate with. Yes, associate, not be friends with. See, these "associations" are the kind of people that you attempted to know and, shall I say, be friends with, but they just didn't get on that same little engine that was chugging up the hill. No, they got on the bullet train. I'm talking about people who are now working at high paying jobs or have 879 facebook friends. The girls post 110 photos of themselves and always write how ugly they look in the photo or that they had a bad hair day or some other such nonsense when, obviously as you look at the photo, there isn't an eyebrow out of place, much less a hair pointing in the wrong direction. And the boys, they're the kind who always stick their chin in the air in their photos. I don't know why they do this... do they think that it's sexy when a girl can see up their nose? I've never found it attractive. If anything, it makes me want to give them a tissue.

The point is, I look at these people's photos and lists of accomplishments, and for 10 seconds want to crawl in a hole and never go to a class reunion because they are SO much further up the ladder than I am. But then that feeling vanishes and I become aware of some other feeling. It's not one that has a name, but it's a lot of things mixed together: pride, gratitude, belittling , superiority... do you know what feeling I'm talking about? It's that moment when you realize that, unlike them, when people comment on your blog you go read theirs and comment back, not just think "oh good, I have another follower and people love me!!!" and someone knows that if they write on your facebook page that you'll actually give back a response rather than "things are going really well for me. You?" You know that if an old friend meets you on campus or in the grocery store or at church back home you'll get more than a nod or "hey how are you?" as you pass each other in the aisle. You'll have brownies and ice cream later as you catch up from the 3 year interval in which you haven't seen each other.

The point is, I choose to think I am a friend rather than an acquaintance. If I am wrong, if I have ignored or been rude in any way, I apologize. I turn over a new brick and start again to become a real friend.

This Friday was almost the biggest day of my life...

2011-01-30T16:06:00.000-06:00

until I completely ruined it. My sisters and I went shopping and to lunch and then decided to go see the 4:45 showing of Tangled. I knew Weston wouldn't want to go shopping but invited him to the movie and he agreed to go. After not seeing him in 3 days I was, naturally, very excited. Well, 20 minutes or so before the movie starts, Weston texts and asks if we're going to Stadium 8. I had no idea what the theater's name is and responded saying just that, and that it's the theater in Providence. Now, Providence, as we know, is a tiny little town with only 1 theater in it... evidently Weston doesn't know that. This is where our frustration began. He thought we were still at the mall and had gone there, so I said to just meet us at Rebecca's house. He replied with "ugh fine" and that is where our fight started. I told him that he could just meet us at the theater in Providence, he asked for an address and I couldn't give it, so a few choice texts later and he said to forget it he was just going to go home and go to bed. I was furious by this point with him being such a child and saying he didn't have enough time and prior notice (even though, I would like to point out, I have him 2 hours notice!) to do what he needed to do. "oh for crying out loud!" I though, "it takes 10 minutes to drive there, 2 to buy a ticket, 5 to get popcorn and a drink... what're you freaking out about!!?!?" So I enjoyed the movie with Susann and Sean and talked with Weston immediately after the movie ended and said we needed to talk, because fighting over something as stupid as a movie is ridiculous. He, still a little heated, said it wasn't just about a movie... then admitted that he was going to propose in the theater; he had it all planned out *jaw drops to the floor and Erica's angry little heart turns immediately to disappointment and guilt* crap crap crap crap CRAP!!!!! Now he has to think of a whole new way to ask. Remind me next time to just assume the best... and stop being a dumb girl.

I once held a very pretty box in my hands

2011-01-23T21:46:00.000-06:00

...and in that box was a very sparkly sparkly, but I didn't get to see it. Weston just let me hold the box. He was surprised I didn't open the box (oh believe me, I did open it in my mind and was momentarily blinded with the sparkly sparkleness), but hey, I keep my promises. So, now, while this is all SO exciting, I also feel horrible!

I have so many great friends here in Logan, and most of them are either single, in long-distance relationships, or struggling in their relationship endeavors. Do you know how horrible it is going to be, seeing my friends' faces when they find out I'm engaged once it happens? It'll be a split milisecond of shock, then excited surprise, then intense hurt, and back to excitement for me with that underlying hurt that they are still alone... and later, much later, at the wedding or reception maybe, they may even cry. It'll seem like they're crying out of happiness for me, but in reality... well it's for them. And I'll pretend.

I know, what normal person would worry about their friends' sadness at the moment when I should be the happiest? Well, we already know that I'm not normal, so no worries about that :) But really, if you're one of those friends... know that I love you dearly, and I worry about you, and I want you to be happy, and that I hurt for you through my happiness. Please know I know how you feel. I've spent like 8 years feeling that way dangit!

Once that prince or princess charming comes along, those years and months and days and seconds of waiting seem like an instant.

"Laughter keeps me from crying"

2011-01-14T02:03:00.000-06:00

...wanna know who said that? Abraham Lincoln. Pretty smart guy. And I agree with him completely. The past few days I have surprised myself with my own wittiness, jokes, and overall ability to make other people laugh... but that's not necessarily a good thing. When I sit down by myself and have no other pressing thoughts besides those 5 chapters I need to read by tomorrow and the Japanese quiz I need to prepare for, I find myself in a serious state of depression. Like serious enough that really bad thoughts have swirled through my confuzzled brain more than once and I don't immediately shoo them away. I don't know why. I have had to stop myself from crying at least 3 times within the last hour. Wanna know the saddest part? The one person who should be the most concerned, or the most currently updated on me and my issues hasn't even noticed. An AMAZING friend in New Jersey notice... but not one 3 minutes away.

Maybe this isn't worth it...

I'm giving up a lot... a whole lot...

and again there's that nasty thought swirling through my head again...

I think I'll go dwell on it for a bit as I pretend to sleep.

Yum yum yum

2010-12-30T18:47:00.000-06:00

For this month's family get together (other than the Christmas party and Christmas), my sisters and their families came over to my apartment for a sushi night!

I taught the girls how to make sushi and they excelled!!!

Isn't it pretty!?!?!?!? And so yummy looking!

Then everyone dished up

And enjoyed.... except for those few pieces that had WAY too much wasabi (which caused the rest of us great enjoyment as we watched the discomfort of the person eating it)

Then the guys watched the football game

The kids watched a movie

and they girls sat in the kitchen and talked... I'd say it was a perfect Mills night :)

And then, just because I think it's too adorable not to share, here are Ian and Isaac :D

2010-12-30T18:27:00.000-06:00

So this is where I spent most of the Christmas Holiday,

The Lindbeck house in SLC.

Isn't it SO cute!

I spent Christmas morning with:

Weston and his mom, Shauna,

Casey, Weston's brother

and Fritz, Weston's dad

Then we went downtown and visited Grandma!!!

Then we had dinner at Weston's house with his mom's family. This is Heather, Weston's cousin/best friend. You'd never guess she's 38 would you?

This is Kaylie, a little cousin who became my friend after dinner.

Then we had a special visitor: Mrs. Clause!!!

Then we came here to see the lights and feel the spirit of Christmas.

It was a great day!!!

Just a silly little down-payment

2010-12-01T12:46:00.000-06:00

Weston put a down-payment on a ring and I am so, so, so, so, so, SO excited!!!!! I probably won't get it for over a month because he still wants to talk to his cousin about it, but still. It's in the works and I couldn't be happier!!!!!

Paradise and other such things

2010-11-28T19:21:00.000-06:00

Weston and I went to my parent's house for Thanksgiving this past weekend and spent 4 fabulous days in the snow-filled country that is my hometown :) We left right after we got out of classes on Tuesday to try to beat the huge blizzard home and did so in excellent fashion.

We had San Francisco Supper on Wednesday night and even my dad joined in!!!

Twila's utensil was a spatula. She tried to fit the whole thing in her mouth

Then we measured heights, with is completely normal in my family as children grow taller than their parents at a young age.

Twila measuring Taylor, her 16 year old son

Twila fits in perfectly with her 13 year old daughter and 11 year old son

And 4 of my sisters, their families, and 3 of my friends came for Thanksgiving Dinner (really lunch) on Thursday.

Martin from Slovakia enjoys his pie

We went sledding after dinner and scavaged for pants that would fit everyone. My favorite were Tobi's bright purple rain pants. I'm pretty sure they are meant for a 13 year old girl, but he pulled them off in all his German glory!!!!!

Martin, Cal, Me, Weston and Tobi

Cal, Martin and Tobi and went down together... it didn't end well

This is what happened when we tried to help each other up the hill. We went tumbling down.

Weston and I

Cal, Tobi and Martin sporting their winter clothes we found

Sledding with the kids and the neighbor's dog

There Martin goes!!!

Pre-Thanksgiving Dinner

2010-11-23T00:19:00.001-06:00

It's official, I worry too much, and I can be a mom now. Or at least have a church position that deals with taking care of people, because I just cooked my first Thanksgiving Dinner all by myself!!! I did the turkey, sweet potato pie, deviled eggs (which I forgot to take out), potatoes and gravy, ham, stuffing, fruit salad (which I forgot to take out)... we also had pie that people brought, and Shpretzel... or something like that from Germany.

Compared to last year the presentation was lacking; it looked like we had a lot less food, but the people and conversation was SOSOSOOSOSO much better!!! The pool table worked perfectly as a serving table, and people actually sat next to each other instead of like little wallflowers planted a foot or two between each other. I'm pretty sure this was the best night I've had in a long time!

Crickets

2010-11-22T03:00:00.000-06:00

Many of my residents can't... or won't go home for Thanksgiving, so they asked me to make one for them like I did last year. I had originally decided against it because it was A LOT of work and I wasn't sure it was worth it... until they asked me to do it. I LOVE knowing that something I do is appreciated, I really and truly do! So... I'm doing it again. I already plan to skip both my classes and just work in the kitchen all day. I'm kinda excited about it... but mostly scared.

I'm always afraid that I'll burn everything, or it will be undercooked,

or people will hate it, or no one will come.... I think that one's my biggest fear. I'm just afraid my residents won't come. They tell me to my face that they're coming, but when I send out messages asking if people are coming and what they're bringing.... cricket, cricket, cricket.....

I'm afraid of failure.

Clorox and Bad Moods

2010-11-19T03:57:00.001-06:00

Today wasn't a good day. Nothing happened to set me off... it was just one of those days. You know, one of those days where you want to leave class early, come home, eat a pint of ice cream and dive under the covers of your bed never to be seen for the next 3 hours, when you emerge for more ice cream and a chick flick that you watch while curled up in your bed. Yeah, one of those days... only I didn't get in bed, or eat ice cream, but I DID watch a chick flick because it came on after King of Queens and I was too lazy to go find the remote. Surprisingly however, I didn't feel any better after watching the movie, so I did the one thing that really makes me feel better when I'm depressed... I cleaned.

Yes, you heard me right. When I'm depressed I clean my apartment. The definition of "clean" is very different for my roommates and I, and today I just couldn't handle our "clean" apartment any longer. So out came the bleach, the various rags, sponges and spray bottles. 3 hours later and I'm feeling much better. Too bad I don't have any ice cream as a reward.

2010-11-15T23:18:00.000-06:00

Remember that game you used to play when you were a kid because it was one of the only games that was shoved in your grandma's closet that you were allowed to get out when you went to visit? Yeah, me too! And guess what!?!? It's on sale again! I don't know where my brother got it, but I played it A LOT with my niece this weekend.

Guess what? Even Weston played! It took Ayva all weekend to talk to him, but the pink fish he caught, caught her attention and she deemed it necessary to bestow a smile and chatted with him.

He also played Deer Hunt with Zane, and even let him almost win a few times. It was pretty much an unspoken agreement that Weston could shoot all the deer and moose, but Zane got all the bears.

Zane's favorite, FAVORITE game on the Wii that we brought (aka my brother and his wife couldn't wait to play the one they bought for Christmas so they pretended like we brought ours to let them play), was boxing. He was a crazy little punching maniac!!! The next morning he woke up and said "Daddy, I think my back and my bones are broken; they hurt" ... his muscles were sore from playing so hard!

Ugly people

2010-11-11T13:30:00.000-06:00

You know, I always feel so much better about myself when I discover that someone who I think is going to be breathtakingly gorgeous... well... isn't. Honestly. You see a girl with a smashing body and amazing hair from behind, and you think "great. No chance to get recognized or even looket at without someone grimacing today" but then she turns around and for one blissful minute you close your eyes, clasp your hands and sigh while you think "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good day". Now, she is still incredibly attractive, way more than yourself, but instead of being an imagined 10 she's really only an 8, which for some reason makes everything ok. The world can once again spin in a normal fashion without making me want to throw up, and I feel like I can be around her without wanting to a) kill myself 2) cry 3)start a diet that will ultimately leading me to hate myself even more because I can't dang stop eating! d)Pummel her face and kick her while she's down then tear the tiara off her perfectly coifed locks and stumble away with tears in my eyes, or 5) never get out of bed again. I thank the man upstairs for giving me little days like today. They're nice little surprises. And to you girls... sorry you're not as cute as I thought you'd be. But thanks for making me feel better :)

A,B,C your way to ME

2010-10-18T22:01:00.000-05:00

The alphabet said it wants you to get to know me...

A- attached or single: Attached to Weston L.
B- best friend: Andrew
C- cake or pie: Pie. To be honest I don't really like any baked gods.
D- day of choice: Thursday. It's just a pretty word, even in Japanese - Mokuyobi. Mmm doesn't that just make you want to curl up with a mug of hot cocoa and watch the rain?
E- essential item: Chapstick. And my day planner.
F- favorite color: Blue and pink for looking, black for wearing.
G- gummy bears or worms: hmmm... both.
H- hometown: Laketown, UT
I- indulgence(s): Icee floats from Burger Kind. I hate Alisha and Anthony a little bit for introducing them to me. Lol
J- January or July: I like the snow in January and the sun in July :)
K- kids: I hope so...
L- life is incomplete without: My "family"
M- marriage date: Not applicable
N- number of siblings: 11 - I have 6 sisters and 5 brothers
O- oranges or apples: Apples. I don't like the way my hands smell after peeling an orange...
P- phobias or fears: Spiders, singing a solo in public
Q- quote(s): "I realized as never before how many people among us feel completel invisible, believe their lives don't matter, and fear they'll someday be forgotten" and "It becomes clear that no matter who we are or where we come from, there is much moe in common hat we share than that divides us" both quotes from Listening is an Act of Love
R- reason to smile: Waking up in the moring
S- season: Fall for the colors, Spring for the baby lambs
T- tag five: Chessie, Robby, Ashley, Megan, You
U- unknown fact about me: I have depression

V- vegetarian or oppressor of animal: No way. I love animals... but I love to eat meat too.
W- worst habit: I am impatient and needy.
X- x-rays or ultrasounds: Xrays. Ultrasounds are way too awkward.
Y- your favorite food group: Proteins and Carbs
Z- zodiac: Virgo

2010-10-10T18:40:00.001-05:00

Flipping through channels today I came across the all-time ultimate classic...

"The Mighty Ducks".

You know you love it, even if you just rolled your eyes! Anyway, I'm sitting here trying to do some paperwork and keep getting my attention stolen by this silly film. During commercial break I took a little moment for some reverie. I tried to remember the last time I watched the movie and realized that it was the night we pierced our belly buttons, sitting in the family room at my house with cans of grape juice plastered to our stomachs because we didn't want to risk waking my parents to go upstairs and get some ice. Gosh we were dumb.

A.... not-so-typical Wednesday night.

2010-09-30T23:52:00.000-05:00

Last night's Facebook status:

"It's 11:47 at night and your belly grumbles over your tired brain's attempt to keep your midterm prep from seeping out into oblivion; so you look down and think, "belly, what're you grumbling for?" and your belly says "because, moron, all you've fed me today was 4 bites of last night's cold dinner and a bowl of Life cereal. I hate you and want to make your life miserable." Well thanks a lot belly, Love you too."

Last night's note to my roommate that I intended to stick on her mirror or door after I "borrowed" a box of hot pockets...

9 Something 2010 - Buttcrack of dawn

Dear Tiffany,

Morning! Did you know I think you're amazing :D ...Sometime in the wee hours of the night my belly told me that I'd better get something to eat or it was going to stage a ku, take over my brain, and sacrifice my arm to it's depths. *gulp* I opened the fridge and Belly, as he's affectionately now named, scoffed at the thought of yogurt and turned at the sight of raw meat. Then suddenly, like the voice of angels, a Tony's Micowave in 2 minutes or less! 0g transfat per serving Ham and Cheese Pouch called out to me.

So here I sit, listening to the gentle yet magical whir of the microwave, staring guiltily at the half empty box... scratch that - Empty box... you're a lifesaver.

Thanks :)

Erica

Dear mgaftpidl,

2010-09-26T13:51:00.000-05:00

Who are you? All these comments you're leaving I'd love to talk about, but not via my blog, so feel free to call or e-mail me and we'll talk about because as for now, your passive-aggressiveness just isn't flying.

Sitting. Watching. Waiting.

2010-09-24T13:07:00.000-05:00

This morning was another rough one. I missed the bus and had to walk to class. Was 20 minutes early. Ended up looking at art in the Fine Arts center and forgot to keep track of time. Almost late for class. Weston slept in. Again. He's definitely my cute little storm cloud on days like this. Ok, ok, I know it's partially my fault. I mean, who could resist it when my voice and innocent little face say "are you coming over tonight? I really want to see you *big puppy dog eyes inserted here*". Besides, last night was really kinda his fault. He's the one that wanted to become a True Aggie.

Yep, that's right, I am finally a True Aggie!!!! The experience was ok.... not as awesome as I'd imagined, but still fun. The funnest part of the whole night was talking to Andrew

Remember Andrew? My best friend? Well we've gotten a lot closer lately. Probably something do with both of us having a Significant Other. I dunno know... Anyway, we were talking last night about the future, of course, and he says that if the day ever comes when he and Kate break up, he's reserving my shoulder for comfort purposes. I, with an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude for this silly boy in my heart, agreed. Said nothing would make me happier... other than them staying together.

Then I asked him to be my Maid of Honor. He said no.

Lol. But he did say he'd love to be my Man of Honor. What a goon.

We ended the night looking at engagement rings. Andrew knows SO much.... but not in a dorky way. ...ok maybe a little bit. But it just adds to his charm and pazaz. Yes, I just said Pazaz. I hereby reserve him to go ring shopping with Weston because... well because frankly I was bored after 4 minutes. My whole job is to say "oooh that one's pretty, I like it" then moving on to the next picture. I'll let the boys go over the 3C's. "Cut, color, c.......... something" oh! "clarity". What cute, cute boys I've got :) How'd I get to be so lucky?

... I could get used to this...

2010-09-17T23:12:00.000-05:00

This past weekend Weston and I went down to Fish Lake here in Utah with Weston's parents and brother and sister-in-law. It was SO much fun!!!!! I got my very first fishing license and went fishing 3 times. Once was with Weston, and his brother and brother's wife, then once with just Weston's brother and dad, then the third time with Weston's brother, dad, and mom. I learned a lot... not only about fishing, althoughI did end up catching 3 fish, and gutted 1!, but about responsibility, growing up, family, and appreciation. Weston's family told me a lot about his childhood and how much he has changed, and said that I am the best medicine for him. I'm flattered. And scared. And excited to start this new part of my life :D I hope he hurries up and asks a very important question soon. I could get used to having a new sister, and a new brother like Casey. And another mom and dad. I already love them. Walking into their house is like.... it's like the house wraps its arms around you and welcomes you home. As do his family members *sigh* life is good!!!!!

The first time we went fishing I didn't have a license... so this is how I fished

I caught a fish!!!!!..... and a Casey. Twice.

Weston had the record of fishes caught

My first fish!!!!!

Gutting our fish

Quite Possibly the worst birthday ever... that turned out to be not so bad.

2010-08-27T15:39:00.001-05:00

So a few days ago I turned 26 years old. 26. Weird. I took the day off work thinking there would be so many people to hang out with and see and get presents from because, as we all know, on your "special day" that's just how it works. ...is supposed to work. In reality, Alisha had Practicum so we couldn't go choose a camping spot up Green Canyon until Noon when she finished, and Weston was working until 6 and Anthony had to work at 7. So, taking all that information into account I decided to hang a dark blanket over my window and sleep until noon, then get the day started. I tried to stay in bed until noon, but the phone started ringing and the door started to be knocked upon by 8. So it was a morning of ups and downs, which, as we all know, is crappier than no sleep at all.

Alisha ended up sleeping in (which was a good thing for her; little workaholic), so I ended up sitting in my apartment by myself cleaning and making a budget and watching TV or whatever until Weston finally texted back at 7:00. I was a little angry when I found out that he had actually not gone to work that day and hadn't come to see me at all. Then Anthony was in a bad mood, and I had absolutely zero desire to go camping.

I invited everyone to go out to dinner, which cheered me up a bit, then Alisha and Anthony, Weston and I finally all got together at like 10:00 to head up the canyon. We built a fire and roasted giant marshmallows and made s'mores, then read scriptures and laid out on the tarp (that's right, no tent, just a tarp and the full moon shining down on us) and went to sleep. Half hour or so into our trip up the canyon everyone started getting happier, which was awesome, and when I checked facebook and had like 100 and someodd messages I felt much, much better.

But still... my 26th birthday was no good, terrible, very bad, one I don't wish to re-do. Ever. :(

Look look!!!

2010-07-28T17:06:00.000-05:00

Hey guess what!?!?!? The Salt Lake Tribune wrote an article on Bear Lake! "ok, ok" you might be thinking to yourself as you squint your eyes to read these words, "that's nothing big. I'm sure boatloads of articles have been written on the lake" and this is true. Well done. Good thinking. But you should click here and read the article anyway. Wanna know why? Because quotes from Yours Truly are plopped right in that little article. I'm glowing with happiness... or is it sweat? Anyway, just go read it. It's the awesomest!

Blondes DO have more fun!

2010-07-14T20:58:00.001-05:00

My mission president's homecoming was this sunday. I can't believe I've been home for 2 years now. Crazy!!! It was like a little mini reunion... or Zone conference... except none of the sisters wore baggy clothes and ugly shoes, and we could hug the elders.

You see this? This is a 4 generation photo. My trainer, me, my bean, and my bean's bean. Isn't that precious!?

Some of my Elders

Kaya's Hampsters

Corey's goodbye party :(

My trainer and my "sister" at the goodbye party

We. Are. Hot.

Oww Oww!!!

Fun around the Campfire

2010-07-14T20:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah... we ARE awesome and you know you wish you had been here!

Lots of goings ons

2010-07-05T20:49:00.001-05:00

It's been a busy few weeks. My best friend Carrie got married (yes, I may have sobbed my eyes out about it), which was really good!!! It's a good thing I decided to like her husband :) I got to see a few friends from the mission at her reception, and reaffirm my status as "sister" in her family. I swear, they're all training me for marriage.

I also had dinner with Charity, my other best friend, at Rodizio Grill which was sooo good! I at qual egg and chicken hearts... surprisingly it was really good.

Sandy's family also came up for the weekend and it was super good to reconnect with Alisha, Liz and Jess. It was just like old times, only with Corey and Tiff and Frank added in :) We spent lots of time at the campfire singing little songs like "baby shark". I'll add it sometime.

And the other thing that happened... I got in a relationship. That's right, me. Afraid of commitment, run the other direction as soon as a boy who lives in the same state, the same country, or goes to the same school, shows interest in me. Yeah. July 3rd I got home to find Weston at my house with these flowers asking me to be his girl. I think I may have taken a step back. I definitely didn't kiss him until later that night. And it took me a whole week to officially say yes. And now... well now my mind is racing. Sheesh I'm like one big butterflied, giggly mess. Kind of sickening really.

It's a love/hate thing

2010-06-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just can't help what people think about me. Not all people, mind you, just some of them. Like this kid I work with, Brad. We've only been working together like 2 days a week for the past month or so, but he just knows how to get under my skin. He's a watcher, so he always comments on little things I do, like straighten the chairs or put pens and markers in their respective "place" which is evidently just something I've made up that inconveniences other people sometimes... does that make sense to you? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, so he's really laid back and doesn't let most things bother him, but when he does.. whoooeee watch out!!! He gets SO adamant and intimidating. The other day he was talking about one of our other co-workers working habits and while I was asking questions to ascertain the validity of his argument he bursts out with "I cannot believe you are defending him!" I felt like I had to backtrack and explain myself. While... well in reality why should I have to defend my defense of someone!?!?!? Everyone keeps saying I should date Brad, but the truth of the matter is that I couldn't date someone, much less marry someone, who watches me constantly with a smirk on their face and tears me apart from the inside out (thank goodness it's only in his head), and laughs at me but denies any explanation... needless to say, for anyone who knows me, I would be miserable and constantly re-checking everything I do or say for the rest of my life. Lol and we all know that's not me :)

Bad Hair

2010-06-03T22:46:00.000-05:00

A boy I used to date got married this week. Weird. Two other friend's also announced that instead of waiting until September to tie the knot like originally planned, they just went out and got the deed done. Another friend moved her wedding up a month and a half or so. What is it with June and everyone wanting to get married? I mean, I know the whole "oh they say when you're married in June, you're a bride all your life" song but... really, why? If I ever get married I think it'll be in October... maybe November. Just dreadful, dreary months (weather-wise anyway)... and on a Tuesday. Yeah, a Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday. Ok really on a weekend because honestly, who wants to take work off to go to a silly wedding reception in who-knows-whereville only to wish they could take the next day off too so they wouldn't have to worry about getting out of there in time to make it to bed at a decent hour so they can get up on time. Really.

My nieces are watching Sense and Sensibility in the next room. Probably one of the worst movies ever made. The book wasn't much better. Ok, ok, it wasn't that bad. But really, when someone is consigned to give up who they are for the payment of others actions... well I just don't think it's right. I mean, Austen says this: "They each felt his sorrows, and their own obligations, and Marianne, by general consent, was to be the reward of all. With such a confederacy against her - with a knowledge so intimate of his goodness - with a conviction of his fond sentiment to herself, which at last, though long after it was observable to everybody else - burst on her - what else could she do? Marianne Dashwood was born to an extraordinary fate. (Austen, Jane Sense and Sensibility 379). Crap. Beautifully written, dramatic, touching crap. I hope that if I ever act like Maryanne Dashwood that one of you kicks me in the face. Ok, maybe the shin.... actually, just tell me I'm being dumb; I don't much care for pain. ANYWAY, the film takes it one step further in its wretchedness because every single person has awful hair. Really. Especially Hugh Grant in the role of Edward Ferrars, and Kate Winslet as Marianne Dashwood. His cut and her coloring are just awful. Awful! But it evidntly didn't hurt their careers any...

I digress. Hold your October and November Tuesday or Wednesdays in the next 15 or so years on standby... and if you give me Sense and Sensibility as a wedding gift, or ever worse - a bridal shower gift, you just might be sent home with Edward's cut AND Marianne's color. Just saying.

Stupid Blonde

2010-05-23T23:11:00.000-05:00

Yeah... that's me. I was talking to one friend today about another via text message... and accidentally sent the message to the guy I was talking about. *groan* I didn't realize until he texted back "Uh.... did you mean to send that to Courtney?" I was confused until I searched my history. Great. I have a feeling a long talk will be coming sometime in the near future about this...

Hate, hate, hate, loathe entirely...

2010-05-21T23:33:00.000-05:00

Ok in all acutality I am in a really good mood... I just had "The Grinch" on the brain so that's why ya get the title. You were worried for a sec though weren't you? Yeah, I thought so.

So I started work this week. I got back from California and had one glorious day of nothing (but wretched unpacking) until Summer kicked in. See, for most people Summer is a time where you get tan, read books simply for pleasure, go on dates, have a little fling and yada yada yada. For us here in Bear Lake, summer is the busiest time of the year!!!! People drive in from all over the place and help us make our livelihood. I have the good fortune to have 2 jobs this year. One is with Garden City and the other is with the State Park. I am pretty much doing the same thing for both jobs but... one pays better and the other is more prestigious. At least on a resume. Maybe.

I digress.

So I've been cleaning and painting for the last 2 days getting the State Park

ready to go for the season, and today I finally had someone in the gatehouse with me! I reunited with AJ! And I met the new guy, Brad.

Of course my first question to AJ is "Is he good looking" but he said "no" so I wasn't overly enthused. But then Brad walked in. Don't worry, no angelic choirs started to sing and no fireworks went off, but he did look familiar. Please, don't get that one song "I've seen that smile somewhere before" from Saturday's Warrior stuck in your head.

I mean that I've actually met him before. 2 years ago at school.

I was kind of dating his roommate... ish... anyway, I met Brad. In my defense, he did have longer hair and a beard then... and I was interested in his roommate so.... long story short, I couldn't place him.

He, on the other hand, remembers all 3 times we met. That's right 3, and I can barely remember 1. *covers eyes and shakes head in embarrassment* but not only that, he remembers what we ate and talked about when I was at their apartment. I know!

I feel so lame now...

In other news, I bought this book "Alcatraz From Inside" when we went to Alcatraz last week and started reading it today. It's pretty much Jim Quillen, prisoner 586's life story. It's way good so far! But mostly all I think (well besides the whole "sheesh I'm glad I'm not

a robber or murderer or tax fraudist person") is 'dang, how come good looking

people are not so good looking wen they get old? ... does that mean that ugly people

will get beautiful?" .... I'll post a blog, er... blog a post when I'm dead someday and let you know. I am sure God will be understanding of our need for curiosity quelchers.

Details, details

2010-05-18T19:29:00.000-05:00

So, I really wanted to blog a post about our California trip, but then I remembered I need to do laundry, and then my MacBook battery died, so.... after a 4 minute search for the dang charger and an almost full load of laundry... here we go. Are you excited? Good!

Days 1 and 2

Wyatt picked me up and we drove to Sandy's where we had dinner, roasted marshmallows with GIANT marshmallows inside. That's right, inside on their indoors smore maker thingy.

Then we went to bed. I didn't stir once when the kids were getting ready and going to bed. When I woke up Wyatt was up and ready and talking with Alden so I did the only thing I could think to do... I went and climbed in bed with Sandy, my sister, and we talked for quite a while. We departed and made it to Rio Vista with no troubles. I met Uncle Paul (90) and Marlene (younger than 90 but wouldn't fess up to her age), and loved them instantly! We had dinner and played cards, as Paul is an avid card "shark" I did well the first few rounds... and then they creamed me! But I learned some way sweet games!

Day 3

My phone doesn't work at Uncle Paul's. I almost died having nothing to do after everyone went to bed. I almost started re-reading Oliver Twist. I woke up to a deep rumbling voice saying "well we could always go ring the Rotary Bell to get her out of bed". I stumbled into the living room and grumbled "I'm awake" while everyone giggled at my tired face and bed head as I curled up on the couch and nearly went back to bed.

We had breakfast then went for a swim. I would post photos, but it's bad enough being in a swimming suit without letting the whole woldwide web see. Lol. We swam for over an hour and a half, and Uncle Paul did laps the entire time. man I hope when I get old I'm like him! Then we went golfing... my first experience. Ever.

I was so amazing that... I became the designated golf cart driver.

Then we went to a bar and got pina coladas and say tons of dead animals on the walls, including wolves, a tiger, and an elephant. It's head is bigger than my whole body! After drinks we went to a little restaurant on the Sacramento River called "The Point" and I had my first fish that wasn't Tuna or fish sticks. It was a tasty piece of Cod.

After that Uncle Paul killed me at cards and we all went to bed early because we were so worn out!

Day 4

We left early in the morning and took the ferry to San Francisco where we met Judy and Jim... who drank an entire bottle of wine and thoroughly entertained us on the trip over!

We took the subway to our hotel, Aida, which I found out was a Hostel. We opened the door to our room and found a bed. One. We had reserved a private bathroom and 2 beds. *gulp* We dropped our bags and had this conversation Me: "well... if you promise not to attack me in the night I'm ok with it" Wyatt: "Maybe I can sleep on the floor. There's space but no blankets." Me: "that's sick. Who knows what's on this floor." Wyatt: "I'll just take BART back to Aunt Judy's and stay there tonight." Me: "Yeah freaking right!!!! You're not leaving me here by myself!!!!"

So we went back to the office and got a new room. Getting back on the elevator I noticed this sign:

Our new room may have had a sock left on top of the phone, a shower full of hair, a sink that looks like it hasn't been cleaned since the building was built, and no screens in the windows (we were on the 6th floor), making it perfect for suicide attempts, but it did have an amazing view from 2 that's right, 2 windows.

We dropped all our stuff off then walked to Chinatown

Then we walked down to the piers and ate here

I had mahi mahi, the best fish I've EVER eaten (considering it's only my second time)

Then we caught the cable cars to Market Street and took the Subway here

The Orpheum theater where we watched Wicked. I am still speechless about its amazing-ness. Seriously.

We got hot chocolate and donuts and walked the streets amongst the homeless until midnight or so then went to bed.

Day 5

We left the hotel bright and early and took the subway down to the Pier where we both bought jackets because the wind was so freaking cold!!! We wandered around Pier 35 for a few hours then went to Alcatraz Island!!!

It's my 2nd time there and I think I liked it even better than the 1st time!!! I highly recommend going if you have a chance! The audio tour is awesome! The voices

are those of the guards and prisoners who were on "The Rock" back in the day.

When we got back to the piers we had clam chowder in famous sourdough bread bowls and walked to Gheradelli Square and didn't buy any chocolate because it is stinking expensive and they tried to kill me when they gave me chocolate that had peanutbutter hiding in it. bleck!!!!

By this time we were getting pretty tired, but Judy, Wyatt's aunt who was supposed to meet us in the city for dinner and take us to her house for the night wasn't answering the phone.

We took a Trolly Car (yes! I finally rode one!!!) back to our hotel to get our bags and trapsed the streets for a few more hours and found an old 50's diner to eat at. Judy finally called at around 9pm and we took the train under the bay to the island of Alameda. This is us at the end of the day...

We got to Alemeda and the whole time Wyatt was talking to his aunts and I was joining in sporatically all I could think was "I wanna take a shower and go to bed! *whine* I just wanna take a shower and go to bed!!!!!" Fianlly that is exactly what I did.

Wyatt had to wake me up the next mornin and I about bit his head off I was so grouchy. I got over it quickly though.

We drove to Sacramento and I met up with Christina Jenkins

One of my VERY FAVORITE companions!!! My head's really not that big... er her's isn't really that small. It's just gotta be the angle. Holy jeez... is my head really that big!?!? *cough cough* I digress.

So we wandered for a few hours then got lost on our way to Wyatt's Uncle Bill's house. We found out then went out and had, no joke, the best Chinese food I have ever eaten in my life!!!! And I found out I hate the smell of red wine. Bleck!!!

Wyatt and I were so tired and ready to be done that we were completely fine with just renting a movie and veging. Ooh and I met a ferret!!! She was awesome and cute. Even though she smelled.

Day 6

We drove home. I slept most of the way as I had been up on the phone with a new friend, He's English *wink wink* until like 5:30. We made a stop in Elko for lunch and dropped off Tiffany's birthday gift, but other than that we drove straight through. Wyatt is incredible.

We had discussed which way to come home and decided on the Evanston rather than Logan route simply because.... well those of you not from Bear Like might not understand, but you know how you see the lake and think "I'm hone!"?? Well, we really wanted to get home and realized that if you come through Logan canyon you see the Lake like 30 minutes before you actually get home. On the other hand, if you go through Evanston you drop down and see the lake and *duh duh duh duh!!!!* you're home! The thought of being tricked we didn't like. So Evanston won.

It was a good trip. It was a GREAT trip!!!! And, Wyatt and I didn't hook up, AND we're still great friends after being together for almost a week straight. Woot woot!!! And I still haven't unpacked.

Eff my life

2010-05-09T02:10:00.000-05:00

It is 1:10am. I haven't packed. I haven't cleaned. I haven't slept more than 10 hours combined for the past 4 days. I have, however, taken a shower. Go me! I have studied for finals, taken finals, written papers, done projects, worked in the office, did check-outs, did check-ins, got in a fight with residents. I called my boss at almost midnight for backup, gotten yelled at by residents, whined about my job, contemplated packing, laid down to take a nap and had my door knocked on or my phone go off multiple times, and re-arranged my room. I also met my new roomate and tried a new chinese place. I have also spent some time with some really AMAZING people. Yes, I may have hung out and partied with people and done movie nights when I should have been packing but... you know what? I wouldn't change it for the world. I have a new Bestie to show for it, and experienced my first ever "Mormon threesom" as Megan put it. My job may suck at times, but it sure does let me meet some amazing people!!!!! Thanks guys :)

Proof that it is Finals Week

2010-04-30T21:12:00.000-05:00

About this time of year Hell is lovingly composed into one word for me: Finals. Yeah, that's right. Unlike BYU and some other schools around here, we are still in school, still fighting with ourselves to get out of bed to go to class in a snowstorm, and still frantically trying to care.

Since Spring Break I have had the hardest time concentrating! I cannot concentrate in class, while doing homework... even during movies. Spring Break broke me. If that isn't crappy enough, reading has also gotten much less enjoyable. I even struggle with the Book of Mormon! I can no longer read anything without a pen in my hand, and all my books are annotated. You'd be surprised how many things connect with Jane Austen or Virginia Woolf!

So here I am, 1 week to go, procrastinating finals. Since I have already turned in 1 paper and did a presentation, I only have 1 project, 3 papers and 2 exams left. Not too bad huh? I know it seems like a lot, but keep in mind that I am a Senior finishing my English Lit degree so... so it is expected. Yes, if you want to know, I'd rather lay in the middle of the street.... ok that's harsh.... I'd rather lay in the middle of a bike path (that's better) than do my work, but it's not going to get itself done and I'm not rich enough to pay someone else to do it. Not like I would anyway...

Here's the crappiest part about Finals. I realize how much I have not learned. Sometimes it is at fault of a professor who cannot or will not teach, but mostly it is because of me. Even if I care about something and really want to learn about it I forget. I mean, I didn't even remember there was a dragon in "Beowulf" for crying out loud, and I read it like 3 times!! In class yesterday Dr. McCuskey who, you might be surprised because of all my griping about him, is one of my favorite professors, told us about the completely ridiculous final exam he is going to give us. We have something like 16 characters and 8 or 9 books that we will write about. Originally I thought "ok, that's not so bad" but then he had to go all creative on us and explain that for our final exam we will take on the persona of one of the characters and write about a different novel. Yeah, that's right. I not only have to remember what the book was about, but I also have to remember the style and opinions of the characters. I am screwed!

Ok right here I am going to admit to a very embarrassing moment

Dr. McCuskey looked around the room, a little happy smile on his face as he told us about our assignment and stopped to look at the thunder cloud that had formed over my section of the room. Ok, just over me. Poor Dr. McCuskey says "we ok Erica" and I reply with "No comment, I hate you" Ahhhhhh I told McCuskey I hate him!!!!! Why did I do that!?!?!?!?!??!!?!??! I don't really hate him, I like him very much, especially with his beard, but.... but my mouth just decided to vocalize my brain's frustration. The class broke into laughter but poor McCuskey looked completely taken aback and just kind of kept going with the lecture. I'm sure it's the first time someone has done that.... A few minutes later he teased "You still hate me?" "No" I say "I was only kidding. Now I feel really bad. I heart you *forms hand heart now but McCuskey looks away before he sees it... which is probably a very good thing*" and again a few minutes later he looks at me again and the room goes silent while he looks at me. "You're my favorite" I say. Dr. McCuskey replies "You know, it seems a thin line between love and like, and it always seems to be the same person that says the same thing" He was again surprised when other girls in the class laughingly agreed.

After class I bravely yet shakingly went to the front of the room to apologize. Dr. McCuskey graciously accepted my apology and said that he knows I don't really hate and *something else that I didn't really catch because I was so nervous*, and that since he teases us he can only courteously do the same for us. Great. Me: "you're not going to fail me are you?" Him:.... I cannot remember what he said, but I'm pretty sure it meant No. *sigh*

Terrific Tuesday

2010-04-28T01:32:00.000-05:00

My friend Ashley started a weekly post called "Friendly Friday" and talks about the people that did something for her that week. i thought it was a fabulous idea so I am borrowing it.... and tweaking it to make it my own. With Dallin's help and inspiration I give you *blows horn duh duh duh duh* Terrific Tuesday!!!!!

This week's post is devoted to Dallin Jackson and Ken Jenkins.

This past weekend was crappy. I spent more time by myself crying than I care to admit and didn't really talk to anyone because I knew I would rip their head off and shove it down their throat if they tried to ask me what was wrong. Well poor, poor Dallin texted me when I missed Institute on Monday. I woke up grumpy and thought he was making fun of me and was a jerk back, then I just didn't reply for the rest of the day. That night he messaged me on FB and, being the brave soul that he is, asked what's wrong. I was still a jerk to him and when he said he felt "Like I am being attacked" I calmed down. Honestly, he's just such a good friend that I knew I could take my frustrations out on him and we'd still be ok. And in case you are wondering, this is indeed the same Dallin that I sleep e-mailed. .....Yeah, awkward and a half. Anyway I digress. So Dallin and I went out to Village Inn and talked for forever (our waitress was a girl so I wasn't distracted), then took the long way home (on accident) so we could talk even longer. Dallin's a good listener. He's also a good explainer with all his "Right?'s". So I officially feel 110% happy by the time I get home because... well because Dallin is just that good. We get into the parking lot and I see that Ken's light is still on.

I get into my apartment and text Ken. "Don't you ever sleep?" and he responds, "Still up. Want to come over?" So walked over to his building with the intent of getting my reading done while he did his homework. Yeah... I read maybe 5 lines before we started talking. Then we looked through photos of his mission and watched some videos where he caught a crocodile. I know!!! It was crazy. And then amidst all our "I should let you go" and "sorry, you're probably bored" and "oh man I'm sorry, you're probably tired" statements..... we talked until 4am. I love Ken because he sees me for what I am trying to become, not what I am. he doesn't judge people by their mistakes. We get along well.

So I come home and read my scriptures... actually fall asleep holding my Book of Mormon, and get woken up by Dallin calling me at 7:30. I had asked him to call and make sure I was up, but then I decided that I didn't really want to get up so I texted him at like 7:15 so he would think I was already up... yeah he didn't fall for it. He called me and said "Erica, are you up?" "Yes" I replied. "Well" he says, "are you up or up, as in out of your bed" *grrrr* are you kidding me!?!?!? "I'm awake Dallin" I whine. "Nope" he says, "you told me to make sure you were actually out of bed so... get out of bed. I'm not hanging up until you are out of bed." and sure enough, even though he was late for a meeting, he stayed on the phone until he could hear me getting a drink of water in the kitchen. What a crummy wake-up call :( Well, I guess it's better than the loud fire alarm sound you get at hotels....

Anyway, so thank you to Ken and Dallin for making my day fabulous!!!!!

And thanks to Bishop Miller for being amazing, Chris... something for being chatty and nice, and Alisha and Anthony for going out with me to VI (where our waiter was a guy so I was distracted slightly) to assuage my injured pride after finding a white hair tonight :(

I heart you all!!!!!

Word to the wise...

2010-04-25T00:38:00.000-05:00

When you're having a crappy day... don't watch "The Time Traveler's Wife" by yourself. I just spent the last two hours sobbing on the couch. And I don't even feel better. What's with that!? Lol. However, when you're in a good mood I highly recommend watching it.

A Nickname...

2010-04-23T19:01:00.000-05:00

So Erica is a good name. It is. The only thing is that you don't really get any nicknames out of it. Actually that's probably not true. It's just me that doesn't have a nickname. Alisha calls me Ricky or Rika sometimes, I was Eri to my nieces when I was a kid. A few boys I have dated have called me "Kid", and sometimes "little squirrel" but nothing lasts long. Sadly, I recently have been given a nickname by my staff that is sticking. Wanna know what it is? "The International Slut". Yeah... don't know how to feel about this one.

Today is not the day

2010-04-16T13:18:00.000-05:00

You know how you have SO MANY THINGS to talk about that you just.... don't? Well that is how I feel. I want to go take a shower and a nap and writing a blog about the cruddy and fabulous things that have happened recently would just take away from that so.... so maybe tomorrow. When I am in the office. Ooh maybe I'll go to the book fair...

Heels

2010-03-26T12:07:00.000-05:00

I was in a waiting room today and was watching

people as they walked in and out and realized

how many girls wear heels.

You have the girls who wear heels like these

with a skirt to show off their legs, or they wear

them with jeans to slightly arch their

back and show off their boobs.

Surprisingly even guys know about and appreciate this little trick.

And then you have people who wear these heels.

The younger generation wears them with

skinny jeans tucked

inside,

and the older generation wears them under slacks.

What really makes me laugh though, is watching

the older ladies (old as in probably... 50's)

trying to walk quickly yet

look feminine.

It pretty much just ends up making them

stick their butts out and walk

like they need to use the restroom.

It was SO hard for me not to bust out laughing

as I watched the little waddlers

walk in and out. It was a very good highlight

to my day :)

I just haven't met him yet...

2010-03-16T05:13:00.000-05:00

So anyone that knows me also knows that I have an aversion to marriage. Not anyone else's, in general, just my own. The reason? I've never been good at choosing guys who will actually treat me decently and stick around. Lol I'm a big mess-up in that case and we all know it! Also, marriages are falling apart left and right! Over 1/3 of the people I know are either getting divorced, separated, or breaking engagements. According to the Religious Tolerance website, "The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that 'Probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue.'" It also stated that 24% of LDS marriages end in divorce. So.... with these facts staring me in the face, why would I be stupid enough to jump into marriage?

Well, the simple answer is that... I want to.

Gasp. Shock. Holy... what the crap?!

I know, that's what I thought too the first time I realized it! Seriously though! I was watching a movie the other day and the protagonist said "Sometimes I just think it would be really nice to come home and have somebody to hold" (Pride and Prejudice 2003) I initially rolled my eyes and gagged a little to myself, especially since Wickam is a complete Jack!!! But then I thought... you know what... he's right. Because really, "The silence isn't so bad 'Til I look at my hands and feel sad 'Cause the spaces between my fingers are right where [Mr. Right's] fit perfectly" (Owl City Vanilla Twilight). Maybe that's why I never sleep; because I don't want to lie awake and wonder why I'm alone. Lol it sounds pathetic, I know, but it is an honest fear I think. No one wants to tear herself apart bit by bit to find something that is oftentimes unfixable, or non-existant. So yes world, brothers and sisters, and married friends... I admit that I am missing out, and that I do want marriage and babies and blah blah blah... but wanting it doesn't make it come along any faster.

Thankfully I've this song (Click on it, you won't be sorry!!!) that makes me feel better :) Thanks to a special friend for originally mentioning it.

If you wanna make me happy...

2010-03-12T01:03:00.000-06:00

I was contemplating the other day about the small joys in life.

. . . And when I say "the other day" I mean 10 minutes ago.

Anyway, I was contemplating what makes me really happy.

Of course the answer is friends, family, sleep, reading a good book or

watching a really good movie...

and then I realized that besides all these amazing things, there are

a few things that make me truly happy.

Shall I share?

Ok.

Money is always a good way to tell someone "here, I care... but just don't have

time be hang out with you... but I DO care, so here. Go out on the town.

Go buy yourself some new shoes, or dinner, or a slurpee or whatever, and think of

me while you eat and/or use it"

A bowl of Froot Loops is a good way to simply relax after a long

hard day. I did a whole separate post on the amazingness

of Froot Loops, so if you question

my sincerity, go read it here.

Hot Chocolate. If a bowl of Froot Loops doesn't solve all my problems, I usually resort

to Hot Chocolate.... mmmm. No better way to happily relax than chilling

on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy while sipping a

mug of steamy hot chocolate!

Sushi. MMMMMMM!!!!! Particularly squid. There is NO WAY I can be

in a bad mood if I have this baby. Oh man, I want some right now!

Haagen-Dazs Vanilla Swiss Almond ice cream was invented by the gods

and sent down to earth simply for my pleasure. If a guy asks me to

marry him someday and gives me a container of this stuff instead of a ring...

I'll know it's meant to last forever. Ok maybe not really... there'd better be a ring

inside the ice cream if that's really what he gives me!

But most of all........

This is what makes me the happiest. I just want

to be loved. :)

"Best Friend"

2010-03-07T23:37:00.003-06:00

The other day I realized I use the term "best friend" rather loosley.

I call a lot of people my best friend.

This isn't good.

There should just be 1 best friend right? Well...

the more I think about it the more I want to answer

"No"

Here is my reasoning:

Meet Carrie. Carrie and I met in the MTC and started a wonderful friendship.

Carrie and I are a lot alike and she reminds me to be careful

with my wants and desires, and reminds me that what I reap... I sow.

We also complain to each other about anything and everything

and go on "help me!" dates with each other. I thank Carrie for my sanity.

Alisha, Lisbeth and Jessica are my best friends because we have been together

since I can remember...

We complain to each other, yell at each other, put each other in their respective "place"

and ultimately protect and support one another.

Whenever something really bad happens the 4 of us are there

to see each other through it... with minimal judgement, and then

complete forgiveness.

This is Brittan. He is my best friend because he has seen me through

thick and thin.

I met Brittan when John and I first started dating and

he has been with me ever since. Brittan is my best

friend because... even though I don't contact him as often as I should,

he understands. He is the calm, soothing voice in my life that

reminds me that things will always get better.

I have a soft spot for Luke. He is my best friend because... well just because he is.

No one will ever replace him. He makes me feel

unconditionally loved. He runs out to meet me in the car when I visit,

and cries when I leave.

Man I love this little guy!!

Andrew. Andrew and I met in class last year and were always together. I even became the honorary roommate of his apartment.

Andrew makes me want to be better. He is so intelligent that I always

feel like I need to improve my smarts. Andrew is my best friend because he understands me

and doesn't judge. He is my voice of reason and reckon.

I call Andrew for advice, or when I feel lonely.

He is the one who came offering ice cream and a shoulder to cry on when

Tomas left...

Andrew will always hold a special place in my heart.

This is my brother Curtis. Whenever I have a super crappy day it is Curtis

I want to call. He always makes me feel like a princess.

He also reminds me that I shouldn't let anyone treat me like anything less that a princess.

Curtis and I have even been known to drop everything and drive to Mom

and Dad's house to meet and walk down the canyon and talk for hours.

He reminds me that no matter how bad things are...

people still love me. And that forgiveness and love are always attainable.

And this is Dallin. He has only recently joined the ranks as 'best friend.'

Dallin and I met in the RM committee last year, but it wasn't until he became my

co-chair that we got close. I guess that was 1 good thing about our 6:30am meetings.

Dallin seems to only see the good in me.

He lets me complain and vent to him, accepts my weirdness, and

even goes with me to get pink cookies.

He goes on random adventures with me, is ok with no set plans,

saves me in awkward situations, makes me want to be a better person, and

even sacrifices sleep just to listen to me when I need him.

I can count on Dallin.

He even lets me sleep on his shoulder in class and movies,

gives great hugs when I need them, and space when I don't. Pretty much he

is just an all-around great guy!

And then there's this guy. He's perfect because he can never run away :)

He's solid and strong, understanding, forgiving,

fearless and brave. He's also taller than I am, which is a perk, and

remarkably strong :D

Ok ok so that last one was a little ridiculous, but I hope it brings my point home.

See, it proves that no one

is perfect... and because of that small, tiny, insignificant litte detail, more than

one best friend IS necessary.

I feel lucky to have so many. And for those of you who I didn't

write about... know that you are special in your own

way and that my life would not be the same without you!

"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"

2010-02-28T05:13:00.000-06:00

So I'm sitting here, realizing my attempt at giving up procrastination for Lent is quickly turning into a fleeting memory. Meh I'm not Catholic anyway... but still.

I was out with the guys until 3am Friday playing Beatles Rockband for Norman's last day before he flew back to Germany, then I went to Beto's with Alisha and we hung out until 5:30ish. When I got home and started getting ready for bed another sister called and asked if I would watch their little girl around 7 so they could go to the temple. I don't know who on earth thinks their texts will be answered at 5:30 in the morning, but since I was still awake I accepted. Typically Abbie sleeps until her parent's get back, but this particular morning she decided she wanted to be awake! We played and read books in the tent that was set up in the living room until the sleeping bag that was thrown inside conquered my sleepy head and Abbie and I cuddled in for a nap. She is so cute!!! I got home at about 10 in the morning and went straight to bed.

I set my alarm for noon thirtyish so I could get some homework done before I went out with my buddies for a concert... and woke up at 4 when a resident called me with a question. I got up and got ready for the day and started doing homework but got distracted with a talk/argument with the boy I currently like... rephrase. Liked. I get bored so easily waiting around and... just decided that it wasn't worth it waiting around for him to get a move on. Not that I won't go out with him if he ever asks, because he is a great guy, but I'm just not willing to wait around for the next 6 months until he asks me to do something. Silly boy! Then I kept falling asleep doing my reading and decided to be responsible and call my buddies and cancel plans for the night so I could get some work done. .... but then I called a different buddy and he and I went out for dinner to the Formosa where the guy sitting across from me looked so much like Tomas that I could not drag from my gaze from him. Poor Weston probably wondered what was wrong with me the whole time!

After dinner I came home and again started homework but then remembered I am out of food so I called Alisha and asked if she wanted to go shopping with me. Then somehow we decided to go to a midnight movie. So 45 minutes, a bag of froot loops, and enough sugar to kill a large rat later we were sitting in the theater watching "Valentines Day" which was surprisingly good!!!

The moral of the story? John Lennon was right: "life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans" and it is becoming more and more evident as time goes on and I become more aware.

Sleeplessness and Nostalgia

2010-02-23T02:47:00.000-06:00

So I'm chilling in bed, unable to sleep, and started feeling a little nostalgic for the Spratt Cave. I went to iphotos to find some photos and decided to see what I was doing this same time in 2009. Here is what I found that is the closest to today:

Me and my bestest, Andrew in the Spratt Cave. I was always over there.

Dave wearing my boots. What a stud! That up on the wall next to him is the quote wall... I only made it on the wall once. I choose to forget what I said. However, my finesse on the quoting frontier has not changed at all. :)

After missing Dave, Meagan, Andrew and Robby I decided to check what I was doing around the same time in 2008 and began searching. Mission photos came up and nostalgia REALLY set in. Man, I miss Japan! I miss my Elders and my companions! I miss the Ume trees beginning to bloom and waiting for the sakura to bloom! I miss morning schedule and DTM's and Zone conferences and train rides. I miss my bike, Bruce, and my bright blue rain kappa. I miss Grandpa Tsukada and Mr. Kondo and his family. I miss Kanazawa and the smell of the street by Kenroukuen on the way home at night. I miss feeling like I am doing something worthwhile. I miss feeling the spirit almost every second of ever day! I miss nightly phone calls from the District Leaders and trying to guess where we would go for transfers. I miss knocking on doors and stopping people on the sidewalk. I don't miss the earthquakes or typhoons, but I miss the excitement they used to bring. I even miss getting lost!!!

February of 2008 I was in my 1st transfer in Kanazawa. Beautiful, beautiful Kanazawa!!!!! It was the one place I did NOT want to go to... but I fell in love with the people and the area, and cried when I got transferred out 3 months later.

P-day in Kenroukuen as a district

While cleaning the apartment Sasaki shimai and I found tiara's, bead necklaces and wands... we wore them during planning session on hard days to make ourselves feel better. Notice our matching shirts :) I wonder where that shirt is....

Our Valentine's concert. Elder Fuller and Williams baked cookies for the decorating contest, and Sasaki shimai and I decorated the room. I have never cut out so many hearts in my entire life, and the elders even found a mirror ball that we were able to use. An investigator played jazz piano, Alex (Elder Fuller) played the sax, and I sang. It was an amazing night and we all had a ton of fun!

It's funny how time flies... Life has not turned out at all how I thought it would... but I don't think I would change a thing. Ok, that's a lie, I would, but it's good enough :D

Huh... how bout that.

2010-02-22T01:01:00.001-06:00

I took a personality quiz on facebook today and this is what it said about me... pretty sure it is almost right on. It's even kind of cool that it coincides with what I wrote about the other day!!!
Type 2 - The Helper

Basic Desire: to be loved
Basic Fear: of being unloved
World View: "People depend on my help. I am needed."
Childhood Origin: Ambivalent to father-figure.

Twos are generous and strive to be genuinely helpful to everyone. They are caring, but can also fall into people pleasing. Twos find their place by enlivening others with their appreciation and attention. They believe that others come first, but this can cause them to forget about their own needs and avoid their own problems. At their worst, twos fall apart from feeling selfish or feeling that they have harmed others. At their best, twos can take care of others without forgetting themselves.

warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me
* Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
* Share fun times with me.
* Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
* Let me know that I am important and special to you.
* Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
* Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
* Reassure me often that you love me.
* Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two
* being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
* knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
* being generous, caring, and warm
* being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
* being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two
* not being able to say no
* having low self-esteem
* feeling drained from overdoing for others
* not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
* criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
* being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
* working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often
* are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
* try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
* are outwardly compliant
* are popular or try to be popular with other children
* act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
* are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents
* are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
* are often playful with their children
* wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
* can become fiercely protective

COPYRIGHT:
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages 9types.com

What I Know...

2010-02-20T13:53:00.000-06:00

Here is what I know I don’t like poetry, gory movies, chocolate, peanut butter, the smell of roses or feeling like a failure. I don’t like spaghetti with marinera sauce, Hawaiian pizza, people who talk in movies, slow drivers, insensitive or rude people, self-righteous or judgemental people, and mothers who pawn their children off on anything from a playground to a best friend, mother, or street corner whenever they have a chance Oh, and ungrateful people (which sadly includes myself at times). Ok… that’s a lot of negative. Let’s brighten things up a bit! I love babies, butterflies and flowery fields (but not the bugs that come with it). I love the divinity of smelling cake batter and cookie dough, being needed, appreciated and loved, hugs, kisses, random e-mails, texts or calls just to say “I love you”, good surprises, praise, feeling important, and eating out. I love hearing my own name (it’s still weird not to get called “Mills” or “twin”), reading for pleasure, feeling smart, driving fast, listening to music, swimming, being with my friends and family and of course the internet and my phone.

I also recently discovered that it is very hard for me to trust other people, especially with information about myself. I choose people I want to be friends with and try to get them to open up to me, and then after sufficient information and secrets received I open up to them. If someone doesn’t open up to me when I want them to it really frustrates me, if I like them enough, and if someone ever betrays my trust I do not forgive easily. I speak too quickly… I forgive, but our friendship will never be the same. Now, mind you I just discovered all this a few days ago. I do not agree with my own way of thinking and intend to renovate my brain, but until then…

Possibly the worst day ever :(

2010-02-13T03:07:00.001-06:00

Today I have been in a grumpy mood... and it is all because of yesterday!!!!! I got up around 5 and went to the gym, which was great, and got my Poe reading done, then I came home with the intention of taking a shower, getting ready, and reading some Lais of Marie de France for Dr. Cooper-Rompato's class. I hadn't even begun to read the book yet but figured it wasn't due unto 4:30 that afternoon so I would be fine. Wrong!!! I took a shower and dried my hair but decided to finish getting ready until after I read. I lasted for maybe... 25 minutes before I fell sound asleep. I woke up when some of my residents started banging on the apartment door because we had an appointment. Needless to say, after our meeting I was frantically running through the apartment trying to get ready in time to catch the bus. I was successful! So I had two classes back to back and then had an hour break before my counseling appointment. Yes, for those of you who don't know I go to the counseling center. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in my first appointment, but since then my appointments have seemed pointless. Yesterday however, things changed. I sat down in my usual chair and waited for whatever silly breathing exercise he was ready to teach me. Sure enough, he says "Today Erica, if you have nothing you want to discuss, I want to start with another exercise." great. "Close your eyes" he said "and go to your safe place... now think of a time when you did not feel happy... what was going on? How did you feel? What would you say to so and so in such a situation if you could?

Ok, now think of a time when you had a similar feeling when in a situation with just one of your parents." This one took me a lot longer because... well I was never really alone with only one of my parents. So I thought of one... and started to get a little teary. "Now" he said, "try to think of a situation, a recent one with absolutely anyone, when you felt the same way" and here I broke into tears. The tears streamed down my face. Tear after tear after tear. I couldn't stop them. The room started spinning and I felt in complete un-control. Finally I was allowed to go back to my "safe spot" and then "3...2....1... come back to the room". Everything was still spinning, tears still streamed down my face, and my counselor had such a sad look on his face. "Well" he said "Now we can see where your issues of self-sacrifice came from... and your abandonment issues too." Yeah. Rough. After I got the mascara off my cheeks and calmed down enough I again read the book for Cooper-Rompato's class in the hour I had before class began.

Class went well. There is a boy in class who I think is super cute and we're kinda friends (we're more texting friends. It's awkward in person), but he likes a different girl in our class. He, of course, doesn't know I like him so he asked me to help him get a relationship going with this girl. We decided to invite a bunch of people, including her, over to my apartment for Japanese dinner one of these days so they can interact in a non-classroom situation. Until then, Just this boy and I and one of our other friends come to my apartment after class and do dinner. yesterday was no different. They came over and helped make udon and opened my bedroom door which got jambed shut, ate dinner and then had to run home to do homework while I went to staff meeting.

This week instead of staff meeting we had staff meeting and went bowling. I got only an 80 :( Then we went to Village Inn "real quick" where I got the chicken caesar salad which, by the way, was not that good, and ended up staying until 11:40pm. One of my co-workers had asked me to come to his apartment when we got home because (happily) he feels like I am the only person he can tell some things to. So I went to his apartment around midnight and didn't get home to mine until almost 1:30. It was a good talk.

When I got home I decided to spray our apartment with Raid because of all the ants that seem to love us so dearly that we do not love in return. I didn't think about the smell before I acted though. The smell of our apartment was dizzying and choked me so much that I had to open all the windows to air the place out! It was starting to get very, very cold in the apartment so I decided to take a shower while the place aired out. This, my friends was a mistake. I got halfway undressed and went to put my towel in the bathroom when the unthinkable happened. The breeze from the open window caught my bedroom door... and closed it. Usually it would not be such a big deal, but again, like in the afternoon, it jambed shut. Great!!! I twisted and turned, juggled and jounced the doorknob and even went to the extent of throwing myself against the door trying to get it open. Nothing. My phone, keys and clothes were in that room. So I put on my coat and went into the lounge to call maintenance on-call. After the 6th ring the guy finally answered and came to my apartment. He tried, in vain, for 20 minutes or so to get the door open before he said he would either have to saw the doorknob off or break it off with a hammer. Great. But wait!!! my bedroom window was open! It's a good thing I am on the 1st floor because the maintenance guy was able to remove the screen, crawl through my window, and take the doorknob off from inside the room. However, once the doorknob was off we couldn't get it back on. I told him not to worry, that not having a doorknob until the next day wouldn't kill me. He had closed the window when he crawled through, and within minutes it stunk to high heaven of Raid so I had to re-open the windows. I left my bedroom window open and tried to sleep on the couch but could not get even close to sleep because I knew my window was hanging wide open with no screen, and that the Logan Lurker was still at large (don't worry, the police got him today) so I went into my room to sleep. I closed my bedroom window but kept the living ones all open and blocked my door open as well so I wouldn't suffocate on bug-killer. The only downfall... it was Freezing!!! I put on sweats, a hoodie and thick socks and climbed under a blanket, down comforter and quilt. By this time it was after 3am and it took me even longer to fall asleep. The next morning I was awoken by a phone call from my sister. I looked at the clock and read 7:54. I had to be on the bus by 8. Great. Needless to say, today was a baseball hat and hoodie day.

I came home after class and, feeling crappy, decided to clean the apartment from top to bottom. 2 and a bit hours or so later the apartment smelled of bleach and you could see the stove reflecting on the kitchen floor :) *sigh* yes! Then Cal called and invited me out to dinner so after I took a super fast shower (like seriously, super fast!) and brushing my hair and putting mascara on, I ran to El Toro Vijeda and had dinner with Cal, Christophe, Cory and Kelly. During dinner Andrew called and said his date for tonight was cancelled so I was the first one he called to do something. Awww :D so after dinner Andrew took me to see Sherlock Holmes. You know, even though we don't hang out much because his schedule is crazy, and so is mine, he is still my best friend. He really is an amazing guy! All my friends are amazing!!!

Anyway, so that is the story of my terrible, awful, horrible, no good, very bad day!!! :) Aren't you glad it didn't happen to you? Lol

Froot Loops

2010-02-07T01:41:00.000-06:00

You know, of all things that go wrong or disappoint you, Froot Loops just aren't one of them. No matter what happens during the day, I know that I can come home to a wonderful bowl of Froot Loops. I mean, the bowl and spoon can be dirty, but they can be washed. The milk may have gone bad, but Froot Loops are good on their own, even without milk! There is no way they can disappoint you. Even at the end of the bag when all you have left are the little crushed up rings that are pure sugar... you're happy just because it's pure sugar! Granted, I'm a little sad because the bag is empty... but thankfully I usually always have an extra bag in the cupboard. So, out with the old and in with the new!

Oh! But speaking of new, one thing does suck... when I open a new bag of Froot Loops and the stinkin thing rips right where it's not supposed to and the cereal spreads all over the counter. Sadly this happens to me more often than I would like to admit. I would like to say that I have a bajillion Froot Loops nestled all snug in their little bag... but that would be a lie. *sigh* I am such a bad bag opener that I now own 2 (that's right, 2) cereal containers. But you know what, that's ok. Because no matter if they are in the bag, or the container, or on the counter... I know they're there, and that in just a matter of moments they will be in a bowl and then in my belly, making everything that happened wrong that day magically better! So thank you General Mills and Western Family and Kellogs and everyone else who works so diligently so I can have a better day. I will be forever grateful!

Teeth, eyes and fingers

2010-02-06T06:35:00.001-06:00

It's 5:35am and I am still awake. I just got home about an hour ago from bowling and watching Moulin Rouge and The Little Mermaid while curling up on the apartment floor with 3 other co-workers. It was thoroughly entertaining. However, my teeth hurt. Quite frequently recently I have noticed how bad my teeth hurt from being clenched. I have decided I clench my teeth when I get stressed. It kind of upsets me just how often I stress myself out. My counselor suggested.. quite strongly in fact, that I join this 'dealing with stress and anxiety' workshop every Tuesday. The first day we all had to say why we joined the group. My comment was "I think I'm pretty normal, but my counselor thinks I need to be here so..." I'm pretty sure I made some enemies already on the first day. Anyway, the director gave us a paper with physical, emotional and... some other kind of ways to tell you are over-anxious and stressed. Sadly, 3/4 of them fit me. Dangit!!! I guess I do have a problem. Bleh at least depression and anxiety are the new ADHD so I'm not alone.

It is now 5:47 and Julie & Julia... or is it Julia & Julie...? Anyway, it is stealing my attention. So goodnight cyberworld, i will see you later in the day I am sure.