Wow, this is a lot harder than I expected it to be. I was trying to force myself out of bed this morning, telling myself that it's been long enough; I should be wearing mascara and jeans again... and then I realized that it has been only 4 days. Only 4 days.. But I'll tell you, these last 4 days have felt like years. I feel so tired and exhausted and spent and just... done. I don't want to feel like this anymore; like my heart has been ripped out and this gaping hole is left in my chest that hurts with every smile I see or ever kiss someone else shares. I don't even want to eat ice cream for crying out loud! That's how hurt I feel. Even worse, I've had to start explaining my situation in person instead of over the phone or text or facebook, because some unknowing person just sees me and says "Oh hey, how are wedding plans going?" and with my reply of "They're not" that poor unsuspecting person flashes a glance to my naked finger and flicks a face of horror, embarrassment, pain and discomfort. It would be rather funny actually, if I could see the look clearly, but all I see is a blur through the tears that cloud my vision.
If 4 days have been this hard, and so full of ups and downs... what will the next year bring? I just want to close my eyes tight tight and wake up and find that this has all been a nightmare and that Weston is sitting in front of me with his handsome smile and a willing hug... Someone just fix it. Please fix it.....
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